How sure are you that you will CTB?

[woofwag]

I am 99% sure now. Even my therapist left me because I'm too suicidal. I can't do it without her

 

[Exhausted546]

I am 99% sure now. Even my therapist left me because I'm too suicidal. I can't do it without her

100% I'll attempt within the next hour, hope I lose consciousness fast

 

[myaccount1104]

I feel really unsure about it. I'll have weeks or months where I'm completely sure about wanting to CTB and where I'm completely sure about wanting to live. Also I'm really sorry about what happened with your therapist :( I hope you're able to find more people to support you.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

100% I want to kill myself asap

I would never want to live even if I had an above average life

 

[Siamese Believe]

Between 95% - 100%. Also therapists can leave you for being too suicidal?? Never heard of that, that sucks.

 

[kuroshimi]

Really sorry about what happened with therapist.

Actually, I'm not sure. It's not near 100%, but I'm pretty sure that day will eventually comes.

 

[weallhaveourghosts]

Between 95% - 100%. Also therapists can leave you for being too suicidal?? Never heard of that, that sucks.

Some will refer you out to a higher level of care if they believe that you're not in a place where outpatient is going to help.

 

[usernamegoeshere]

even as a kid i figured i'd be the one to take my own life, so probably 99%

 

[catsalvation]

I'm quite sure that it will be the way of me leaving this planet, the only question is when.

 

[Jisatsu]

100 percent

 

[fedup1982]

20 years of attempt failures. It's not likely

 

[FuneralCry]

If I could just choose to permanently cease existing then I'd be long at peace free from the terrible, dreadful abomination of existence as for me non-existence is just all that's positive and desirable, all I need is peace from the suffering and torture of existing.


I just want to be free from existing in this horrific reality where existing beings are tortured every second but of course I exist in this evil anti-suicide world where humans have made dying painlessly into a crime even know this dreadful existence was imposed in the first place. I always suffer so unbearably from how I cannot just choose to find true peace from this existence that only ever causes pain and suffering, there's just so much horrific cruelty in anti-suicide, there's just so much evil in how they do all they can to make this existence into a prison, all they want is for others to be tortured for as much and as long as possible, it's all so horrific.

 

[amor.dor]

Personally, I noticed that in the past, when I took a cocktail of pills until I passed out, I had much less anxiety and more calm than having N or SN in my hands. Because the first one seemed like a gamble to see if I'd die, while the second is almost a sentence.

I'd say today I'm at 80%. Some days I'm at 50%, others at 99%.

Suicidal ideation is very different when you don't have poison in your hands versus when you have a lethal poison.

 

[Forveleth]

Bought a coffin. Working on buying a plot.

 

[Liebestod]

Pretty confident, sometimes I feel like I'll be dead by the end of the year.

 

[Exhausted546]

100% I'll attempt within the next hour, hope I lose consciousness fast

Attempt failed. Kicked the chair ,rope tightened around my neck but I ended up on the floor. The rope wasn't tied properly enough on the other side of the door. Fixed the section, I'll be trying tomorrow again

 

[BullsDon'tFly]

Suicidal ideation is very different when you don't have poison in your hands versus when you have a lethal poison.

I agree. I don't have neither N2 exit bag equipment nor SN + anti-emetics (my two ideal methods) and I'm searching everywhere for an alternative, maybe I'll buy some rope and some ratchet to try night-night, but I already know it will be difficult to go further when I'll have the necessary.
Still, I think that ingesting something poisonous would be easier to do overcoming the SI than staying still and not removing the noose/bag waiting for CTB... My 2 cents.

 

[Aunty_Seuss]

Fairly confident I will someday, I have a few things I'd like to still do beforehand though. The only thing potentially throwing me off from CTB is knowing I won't see my friends again, now that gives me some doubt.

 

[inkmage333]

90%, I just need to work out the details.

 

[freakypossum]

I was pretty sure I wouldn't have lived past my last birthday yet here I am. Fear of the other side is too strong

 

[ICantFixThis]

flip a coin I guess

 

[Higurashi415]

It's crazy to me when I read stuff like this, therapists are aware that their job could entail a patient killing themselves. It's part of the risks.
What kind of fucked up self preservation is it to leave your patient because they're suicidal?

For me it's really hard to estimate how likely I am to CTB. I don't think my issues are unsolvable in principle: there MIGHT be a drug I haven't tried yet, there MIGHT be a combination of things I haven't yet done that could save me, I MIGHT, because my mental state is extremely unstable, wake up a week from now full of motivation and forge ahead. For a week, in all likelihood, and then it's back to the worst depression I'll have ever felt up to that point. I'm also at an age where my brain is almost completely formed, so it's not getting better with age. My mental illness is neurodegenerative also, so I really struggle to believe that I will get my brain back at some point, this makes me suicidal more than almost anything else. This is the best brain I'm gonna get, and it's horrible. It's complicated to answer because I'm not exactly hopeful as you can't tell... I'll use an analogy, if you believe in multiple universes: I believe there are a couple of possible universes in which I am a perfectly functioning member of the society; I wonder if this is one of them. Hope it makes sense.

 

[yosukelvr]

Not really sure, I've been planning everything out but I feel hesitant about it.

 

[Exhausted546]

How are you doing it lol

Full suspension hanging. I failed tho, I'll try again tomorrow 4pm

 

[SanagiMezamete]

80% sure it will happen one day. I just can't see myself ever being happy in this world. I don't belong here. I've always been very neurotic and overwhelmed by life no matter the situation, and I'm tortured by my shitty defective nervous system. I want off this ride.

 

[A_Spartan_Dead]

I got no job, no housing options, will lose my family stuff, be homeless, and no way out...I'm gonna have to ctb and soon.

 

[Ilovemyteddies]

I fluctuate from 100% to 90% nowadays, when I rationally think about it it's 100%, the only reason I'm still alive is because I'm irrational

 

[Exhausted546]

I thought you would used sn

I don't have access to that

 

[BlockHammer]

At first i thought this CTB were just going to be my assurance if things got worse. But now, i failed to improve my life or even gain some financial independency so there's a big change that i will CTB

 

[fadedghost]

78 percent sure. But that's a conservative estimate.