How much longer

[claviceps.purpurea]

I don't know how much longer I can hold on

What once fed me, now poisons me
Consuming my brain at the edges of my being
Devouring me from within

Everything I had has vanished
Everything I loved is over


Every bond feels fake now
Every gaze feels hollow

Every word a mask worn by strangers

Now I see

Humans are the most wretched, the most dangerous
The most unaware creatures I have ever known


I once believed I had lost my humanity
That I was no longer one of them
One of those selfish, blind monsters


But I am

I wanted to be more than this

I wanted to be different
To stand apart from all of this


I wanted to be like him
I wanted to be special


But I am like everyone else
Maybe I'm just more conscious
That I'm only a curse

A shadow that erased what good remained
I'm weak, flawed and miserable

If I'm still here is just because I'm a coward
Who is still afraid of nothingness

But I'm here for a purpose
I'll learn how to cope it and I'll leave this awful world

It took me away everything I had before
It left me alone without even having the chance to shed tears
And now life is meaningless, worthless, useless

 

[k1m]

You may like Louise Gluck's poems. Being hurt lets you relate to the feelings better.

 

[mychois]

Your poem is very touching, you said "Every bond feels fake now", I feel about the same with you. For my part, I've found every bond so fake, so sad
I wish you peace.