How do you guys go about your day knowing that you are gonna CBT?

[coolbeansniner55]

I always feel a little guilty whenever I hangout with my family and friends knowing that Im gonna do this

 

[CaptainSunshine!]

I go about as usual, just less mindful about health. Though I do feel a strange mix of relief and anxiety.

 

[death or death]

I go about as usual, just less mindful about health. Though I do feel a strange mix of relief and anxiety.

I feel relief too in the sense that I've got the opportunity to CTB, it's honestly a weird feeling, kinda counter-productive since it feels like a purpose.

 

[voirpoet.]

it weirdly makes me feel lighter to know i'm going to ctb. i feel more inclined to live my days fuller.

 

[coolbeansniner55]

Family and friends talking about the future always makes me feel extra guilty

 

[kopebaldy]

Shove the thoughts to the back of my head.

 

[huntrix#1fan]

I'm going to quit my job soon. I plan to chill until I do it

 

[Mooncry]

Guilty, scared, angry because it's so unfair that life dealt me such a shit hand when I never asked to be here. I wish I could just live in ignorant, simple bliss like the majority of people, but no… Everything has to suck all the time.

Listen to me being a huge whiner about it. I don't even care at this point, I'm likely not going to make it to next year, so I'm allowed to complain while I still can. :|

 

[Abandoned Phantom]

My days are spent just waiting for time to pass. I play videogames, I go for walks. I go over my plans for the day I CTB, the where's, the what's, the how's. I create fake conversations in my head with various people I want to talk to before I go. I think about everything that could go wrong. and I overanalyze it. Sometimes I pretend like I'm not going to CTB and I make plans. Example, if for some reason I don't go through with it, I want to get into baking and decorating. Cakes, cupcakes, cookies, bread. that sort of thing. so I find recipes and books pretty cakes that I want to replicate, and I thinkabout how I would do it. Adds a little meaning to my day to day.

I always feel a little guilty whenever I hangout with my family and friends knowing that Im gonna do this

I usually try to push the thoughts out. family will say something like "I can't wait until you do such and such!" I'll say out loud "yeah, that'll be so much fun!" while my inner voice says something like "Yeah that might be nice, if I was going to be here to enjoy it." Its getting harder and harder talking about the future as if im going to be part of it. At least, in my case, its fairly easy to fake. I show absolutley no signs of my true intentions.

 

[Gustav Hartmann]

We all know that we have to die one day and we are very good in supressing this fact. The prospect that I don't have to die in a nursing home but decide for myself when and how I die is the ultimate form self-determination. But the closer the date of my planned death comes the stronger becomes the fear to miss something good, to do it too early. If you know that you have to die in the near future because you have for example a terminal illness you normally go through the phases of ignoring, fighting and finally accepting. This peacfull state of acceptance is hard to get if you are the one who decides wheather you die right now or later.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Reluctantly and resentfully. I'd much rather be dead already. (I'm holding on, waiting for my Dad to go first.)

 

[itsgone2]

I fear I'm not going to though. SI still a major issue.
But otherwise it's odd. I have a lot of anxiety. People see I'm troubled so I try to avoid people at work. Haven't been been to grocery store in weeks. But in any sort of group or one on one I spend most of my time looking at people. Wondering why I cant be normal like them.

 

[............]

I'm completely fine with it, if everything goes well for me I might even have a date. I'm just waiting for the days to pass.

Sometimes, I have moments where I see people happy, people that don't have to deal with planning their own deaths because they're looking forward to being alive and what else life has to offer for them. Then I get a little jealous but I bite my tongue about it.

 

[dimgobaith]

I went through everything as normal. I even sat at my laptop doing work while I waited for my space to fill with carbon monoxide around me. I don't think anyone had any idea. If that person hadn't found me i'd have succeeded. Wish I had