How do you get past hurting those who love you?

[You and I in Unison]

A big reason I've been putting off my suicide is because my family, best friend, and girlfriend. I don't open up any of them and I put all my effort in making sure it doesn't show so they don't worry. It will be so devastating for them and I can't stop thinking about the aftermath. I don't want to keep waking up every morning and pushing myself to stay for them. It would be easier if they hated me but that will never happen, they're too kind and forgiving. I don't deserve their love for what I'm about to do.
Does anything make it easier? Anything I can tell myself to ease the thoughts about what will happen to them after?

 

[TheHolySword]

You accept it. That's it. There's no making it easier for them or yourself. You just accept that you are going to leave them in unimaginable pain. I don't say this to make you sad or make it harder, but everyone wants what you want. To save the scarring. But you can't and you won't. You have to face the fact that the people you love most will never fully heal from this.

 

[itsgone2]

You accept it. That's it. There's no making it easier for them or yourself. You just accept that you are going to leave them in unimaginable pain. I don't say this to make you sad or make it harder, but everyone wants what you want. To save the scarring. But you can't and you won't. You have to face the fact that the people you love most will never fully heal from this.

Brutal honesty but true. Well said.

 

[SmokingCivet]

As others have said, its inevitable. Personally, I have written personal letters that will either be with my body, or auto-sent via email/text. My letters let them know that I am of sound mind, hid my "red flags" well in an attempt not to stress them out, and I tell them that all 25+ years I was alive, I was miserable for majority of it. I also let them know I tried everything - from diet changes, new career, new environment, therapy, psychologists, psychiatrists, church/religion, and anything else I could think of. None of it worked, so thats why I have chosen to CTB - my ultimate peace. I let them know I understand they will grieve, but I need them to "let me go". One thing I asked my closest family to do was to write a letter to me just like I wrote a letter to them, and put it in my urn or with my body, or burn it so I can read it in the afterlife. I hate how much pain I'll cause.

They might not like my decision to CTB, but I tried everything I could to ensure they respect my decision enough to not grieve me more than reasonable.

 

[TheHolySword]

As others have said, its inevitable. Personally, I have written personal letters that will either be with my body, or auto-sent via email/text. My letters let them know that I am of sound mind, hid my "red flags" well in an attempt not to stress them out, and I tell them that all 25+ years I was alive, I was miserable for majority of it. I also let them know I tried everything - from diet changes, new career, new environment, therapy, psychologists, psychiatrists, church/religion, and anything else I could think of. None of it worked, so thats why I have chosen to CTB - my ultimate peace. I let them know I understand they will grieve, but I need them to "let me go". One thing I asked my closest family to do was to write a letter to me just like I wrote a letter to them, and put it in my urn or with my body, or burn it so I can read it in the afterlife. I hate how much pain I'll cause.

They might not like my decision to CTB, but I tried everything I could to ensure they respect my decision enough to not grieve me more than reasonable.

I really like that idea. Asking your family to write you a letter after you're gone.

 

[Pale_Rider]

I'm very lucky , or unlucky depending on your perspective in that I'm not loved. There are family members that due to genetics claim, and probably do love me at the genetic level. When it comes time to show that love it's not present. I was somehow born an empath into a family of sociopaths basically.

 

[ZornTheDreaded]

I'm very lucky , or unlucky depending on your perspective in that I'm not loved. There are family members that due to genetics claim, and probably do love me at the genetic level. When it comes time to show that love it's not present. I was somehow born an empath into a family of sociopaths basically.

same

 

[ChamberOfEchoes]

First of all, I make sure my loss doesn't impact financially, which is the most important thing. Everything can be overcome, but not a family's lack of resources. We have a specific value in society, and our value is directly proportional to what we produce.

 

[dontwakemeup]

I don't have family or a boyfriend who loves me, so I have no idea how that feels. I've never experienced holidays with my biological family because I'm adopted. I say that to tell you I always thought that's what was needed to be happy.

I had a friend who's mother died and knew death was near and decided to record audio diaries everyday to her and her brother. Once she died, my friend received those tapes. I thought that was a brillant idea because she told her story and I think it helped my friend have some type of closure. She played those tapes all the time.

The problem with suicide is they want us to believe we are selfish, in totally disagree! I think it's selfish to watch my quality of life be so poor and still expect me to stick around for my friends pleasure.

Whether you die a natural death or suicide they will always remember you and will greatly miss you. My advice is help them understand your world. The average person doesn't know much about suicide, they want to live forever. However you decide or if you leave a note, recording, or whatever i would include a couple important things to try and help them understand. Include this was an idea you struggled with for x years. Ensure to tell them, nobody could have helped you, and all the options you've tried. Let them know your love for them was true, but you can't keep living with all this turmoil and pain. Encourage them to remember the great times when they think of you.

Ultimately, they will always be hurt by your actions but I totally understand. We unfortunately don't have the power to control how they grieve us and how long. And maybe add some things each person has done to help you but was unaware how important it was to you. Tell them you will miss them but you have to go. There is nothing more you can do. I'm sorry life has bought us to this forum, but I'm thankful we all have a safe space. Best wishes to you.

 

[badatparties]

Seeing me rot in depression and get nowhere in life will hurt them more i figure. Better to leave before it gets worse and worse.

 

[Leonard_Bangley39]

im probably selfish but the way i get past it is by telling myself that it wont be my problem after i ctb because ill be gone

 

[death or death]

As others have said, sometimes you just have to accept the pain you'll cause them. However people move on, and while its difficult to imagine, humans are wired to move on from losses that induce lots of grief eventually.

it wont be my problem after i ctb because ill be gone

This is the same mindset I have about it too, it definitely seems selfish at a surface level, but its also realistic.