Help How Do You Cope Until CTB?

[tears and vomit]

I'm going through the worst time of my life right now, and it hurts more than I can put into words. Last year I suffered a lot (I even attempted once), but honestly, nothing compares to how I feel now. I constantly feel sick, like I want to throw up. Alcohol doesn't help anymore, and getting a diagnosis to access medication that might numb the pain feels impossible.


I'm completely alone. I don't have anyone to talk to or confide in. Whenever I try to open up to my parents, it always backfires. They're already struggling financially and mentally, and my words just seem to make them angry or more stressed.


It honestly feels like I'm dying already, yet I'm still expected to study and keep up with everything. But for what? There's a huge chance none of this effort will take me anywhere. I can't even move sometimes because the weight of it all is crushing me.


So, I need to ask: how do you cope with life between now and the time when you eventually CTB? I can't do it anytime soon, but I don't know how to keep living like this until then.

 

[amerie]

When do you plan on attempting again? Are there things you want to do before you ?

Harm reduction is perfectly valid. For the vomiting and the nausea, try to find a stomach medication that's OTC like pepto bismol or TUMS of your countries equivalent to temporarily hault it. You technically should get anxiety meds but since you mentioned financial issues then that should be your best bet.

For your studies, try to find an assisted study guide like Quizlet or study with someone so that you can lessen the workload, although you're depressed if you neglect it because of your mental health it could lead to a lot of consequences that'll make you more suicidal. Try to push through and chug coffee maybe.

And for hygiene and other stuff, try and just take a water only shower and use dry shampoo. Prioritize your genitals and armpits because those gather the most odor. Use breath mints and mouth wash to hide the smell of bad breath.

Good luck.

 

[Lambybahhhhhh]

I've been feeling this way too. I despise college and the thought that I have other responsibilities to keep up with because really even if it's pathetic i don't wanna do anything at all.

A "solution" to this at least for me is having a clear plan to ctb, or at least have your materials for it available. It makes me feel lighter somewhat, because I know i'll be gone soon and I won't have to deal with anything anymore. Though it's kinda temporary since I'm still looking for a clear plan. I'm sorry you're going through this as well.

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope you find the relief you search for, I really understand finding it so torturous and dreadful to exist and I will personally suffer until I'm finally at peace in non-existence which is all I wish and hope for, I'd never wish to be burdened with this cruel, painful and deeply undesirable existence.

 

[HereUntilApril]

For me, I just kind of go through life knowing it will end soon. I still do stuff like work and go out with friends, but I just coast with it. I'm just tired of having to keep up with life and all its problems. I also cope by believing in reincarnation. I know that it probably doesn't exist, but it makes me feel at ease if there's a chance we all will have another chance at life at some point again after we die. I still am a bit scared of death and the pain I will cause to my loved ones, but I feel like I have nowhere else to go.