Discussion How do y’all feel on your birthday?

[dreamsofhome]

I was born on this day, 29 years ago. Obviously didn't ask to be, haha! It's kinda fucked up.. My dad didn't want me, kept telling my mom he didn't want to bring a life into this world (with the way it was then, and oh lord.. has it only gotten worse. ) but alas, my mom begged to have me and he eventually caved. She said "fuck this kid" and left and he was the one who ended up raising me. A bit ironic since he was the one who didn't want a kid. But, I'm thankful he ended up wanting me in the end.

I'm not doing anything to celebrate. Everyone that loved me is dead now. I just don't really see a reason to celebrate a day I wish never happened to begin with. I just feel.. sad. Usually end up crying at some point, either from missing people or the passage of time. The days feel so so slow, but looking back it's like the years have flown away from me and I've done nothing to make anything out of myself. On my birthday for the last two years, I've told myself that if nothing changed and I still felt the same way by my next birthday that I'd just CTB. Yet.. here I am. Still here.

How do you guys feel on your birthdays? Do you do anything for them, or have people that do something for you on them?

 

[F@#$]

I feel shitty just like any other day.

 

[WakingNightmare]

Usually I will have other people do things for my birthday, my family I can tolerate because I understand where they are coming from but also my colleagues which I find extremely irritating. As for how I feel about it I think you said it best.

Yet.. here I am. Still here.

There's a sense of loss from another year passing so quickly, but at the same time I don't have anything to derive meaning from; so I am simply still here. Additionally I haven't noticed anything positive inherent to becoming older. I will have been here for 29 years this year also.

 

[Mooncry]

Like shit, same as always, except even shittier because it means I lasted another year.

 

[Alexandra0]

I'm sorry you feel such pain. I often cry too. Indeed, the days drag on terribly slowly for people like us. I curse the day I was conceived and the day I was born. I was born to a stupid woman. Everyone in my family is stupid and I am no exception. I ask that no one congratulate me on my birthday, and if they do, I don't say thank you. And I don't congratulate anyone myself.
That's how sad it all is.

 

[LostLily]

Sad, another year wasted.

 

[FuneralCry]

It is just another day of suffering to me and I suffer so much as a result of this cruel, torturous existence, more than anything I wish I never existed and I see it as the most terrible tragedy how this existence of suffering all for the sake of it where there is no limit as to how much agony one can feel was even imposed. It really feels like I've suffered for so long, to me existing really is jus waiting to die and as long as I exist I really will just hope to not exist, for me non-existence really is all that's positive and desirable, I just wish for peace from all the suffering.

 

[Caffeineaddiction]

I don't really care. It's a day just like any other. Things only have meaning when you assign it to them, and I see no point in assigning this anything. It's a good excuse to get high with friends.

 

[TheDevilsAngel]

I feel empty I don't celebrate it at all. Maybe this year will be better. I mean it's only another day but it should be special imo....

I don't really care. It's a day just like any other. Things only have meaning when you assign it to them, and I see no point in assigning this anything. It's a good excuse to get high with friends.

I never need an excuse to get high

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I don't enjoy my birthday anymore. It's just a reminder that another year has passed and nothing got better.

Anyway - Happy Birthday

 

[Dante_]

I dont enjoy it at all, and worst of all, its basically a week from now, I just wait for it to pass as it feels pointless to celebrate just another year.

 

[iloveyouihateyou]

i try to celebrate it in some way just cause your birthday is an excuse to do so. but in the lead up and on my birthday i become extremely existential and i always wonder how i was able to survive to my birthday considering how terrible i feel inside. my birthday is always weird feeling because i always wonder how much time i have left or if i'll make it to the next one. i miss when they were worth looking forward to, now it's just a save point sort of feeling for me where i look back at everything that has happened before and after it

 

[TooLate2582]

I hate my birthday. I really enjoyed when I worked nights and it would fall on a work day. I slept through the part where everyone was awake and worked the rest of it. Mine is close to Christmas and was never really celebrated, growing up. Everyone was just too busy. Several years ago, I turned off birthday things on social media and I received one birthday message, and it was from my BPD buddy…..which proves my theory that I am practically invisible to everyone.

 

[Pluto]

 

[darksouls]

my birthday is as sad and lonely as every other day in my life

 

[brokeandbroken]

I was born on this day, 29 years ago. Obviously didn't ask to be, haha! It's kinda fucked up.. My dad didn't want me, kept telling my mom he didn't want to bring a life into this world (with the way it was then, and oh lord.. has it only gotten worse. ) but alas, my mom begged to have me and he eventually caved. She said "fuck this kid" and left and he was the one who ended up raising me. A bit ironic since he was the one who didn't want a kid. But, I'm thankful he ended up wanting me in the end.

I'm not doing anything to celebrate. Everyone that loved me is dead now. I just don't really see a reason to celebrate a day I wish never happened to begin with. I just feel.. sad. Usually end up crying at some point, either from missing people or the passage of time. The days feel so so slow, but looking back it's like the years have flown away from me and I've done nothing to make anything out of myself. On my birthday for the last two years, I've told myself that if nothing changed and I still felt the same way by my next birthday that I'd just CTB. Yet.. here I am. Still here.

How do you guys feel on your birthdays? Do you do anything for them, or have people that do something for you on them?

The last time I did anything for my birthday was maybe 2016? My birthday and holidays for that matter as I've genuinely been alone on those days for several years as well are weird I guess. Birthday it's more ill just find something to eat thats special. Maybe buy myself something if I have the money which hasn't been the case the last few years.... Holidays like Christmas have the whole lead in and it's hyped up and everything. That's kind of the same. Maybe I'll watch a few Christmas movies. Past Maybe attend church. But generally nothing much.

Easter was no different this year (aside from it falling on my birthday). The only thing that changed is fresh flowers in the lobby of where I am staying. Prior years pretty much the same.

I guess the honest truth is they are just normal days to me. Nothing special unless I go out of my way for convention sake. I mean I turned 30 last year and nothing. I had just moved into a board and lodge that was filthy and disgusting and im pretty sure I'll have problems from the fungus im assuming infestation. I didnt really even have money for food.

This is a very long way of saying I probably should just forget they are holidays or birthdays probably be easier. It's been so long since anything about those days resembled something special or involved people who give a shit it would be strange.

 

[Rynalia]

Yearly CTB attempt with whatever I have on hand that I find first.

 

[Tumblewillow]

It's the worst day of the year for me

 

[jb.fletcher]

Happy Birthday! I'm sorry it's a depressing day for you, but I'm glad your Dad had a change of mind and heart. You got to be here and join this site (which can be good or bad.. Or both?)I've read as we age that time seems to go by slower because we aren't experiencing many new things like we did as children.
To me, it's just another day. Reminds me I'm getting older honestly. I get myself something nice because why not?

 

[cececinderella]

I try to be happy about it, but I always end up miserable that I lasted this long. No amount of cake or gifts have fixed this, unfortunately.

 

[22yearsbroken]

Its just another day... that im still here... i stopped counting after 40... (46 now).
People tey to make a fuss ao i just stopped telling people yeara ago.. i hate getting cards or gifts.. i mean its fuckin pointless ... go spwnd it on yourself i e got what i need and good with what i got.. i dont twn bags of haribo or some more pissin lynx shower gel.. im not 12 anymore fuck off.. my ideal birthday is sitting alone with a bottle of tequila a boom and some music on my own...

 

[StupidCat]

I feel nothing.
Family doesn't prepare anything, they just congratulate me.

 

[Canri]

in general, i don't like it because i don't like being celebrated and especially not on my birthday. i don't hate my birthday as much as other people but i still don't like it. the worst parts of it are that i always think "damn i made it to [however old]," which hurts by itself and i always think "dang i said that about turning, like, 14," which is even worse. i'm sorry ur birthday hurts, too

 

[casualauto]

i typically anticipate something i call the birthday blues. they always happen to me even it i intentionally set up how i wanna celebrate it. it just never meets my expectations. it always feels underwhelming and disappointing

 

[skyfall]

Wanting to kms

 

[SchizoGymnast]

I love my birthday. Starting in my 30s, I tried to gift myself with a new experience every year. First was, you guessed it, gymnastics. Then I tried Krav Maga. Last year I was supposed to take driving lessons to drive a manual transmission, but it got pushed back so I could bring a friend. Hope to do it this summer.

And for my 36th birthday? Ballet!

 

[starboy2k]

Just another day

 

[gottacheckout]

There are still some people that like to send cards and call on the day, it makes them feel good. They are checking in on me. Personally I don't care but since it really doesn't hurt me I play nice.

 

[glitterycheese]

every year it's the same thing, more sad than happy. idk why? i'm just upset. and tired

 

[teeteringontheedge]

Its an kind of bitter melancholy for me actually.
On one hand youre one year closer to your natural death which is sort of an upside i guess?
But its also a day i reflect on the past and once i do that i just fall down into an abyss guilt and doubt that numbs the happiness of the dinner together with the family.

It is quite tiring and even bleeds into the days to follow...