Discussion how do u even love urself

[ScaredCutter]

i struggle with loving myself and being proud of anything ive done. i can be proud of some things but i usually deny a lot of things and think its all just nothing burgers. im unable to look at myself in a mirror, stand on a scale, get clothes i really love, go out, be in an environment where theres people. im always judging myself and others around me, im highly focused on appearances, if i think someone doesnt "look good" itll make me feel better but for a while until i see someone who "looks better". im always focused on looks because the internet blah blah and i used to pretty addicted to nsfw material when i was around 11/12 years old so my mindset on bodies, looks and what not is warped and will likely not change. i hate body positivity stuff because it all feels fake to me and just looks like something to get humiliated for. whenever i see negative comments too on people who look unattractive i also focus on those, im addicted to being online. i used to scroll on edtwt because i wanted to lose weight forcefully and whenever i saw bodies posts, inspos or bodychecks, i feel so jealous because im unattractive.

i have been told to forget about what ppl think of me, im beautiful in my own ways, and whatever else ive been told (i tend to forget things). i cant think positively to myself since ill just find stuff or remember things and fall right back into the same mindset.

my view on what "attractive" is, skinny, soft long hair, long fingers, clean nails that can grow long, able to wear anything and look good, skinny hands, visible wrist bone, /or sometimes my view may be, semi thick thighs, maybe c-d cup size, also able to wear anything, pretty nails, thick lips. well, it may be unrealistic to a point but, i have seen posts of ppl who do fit parts of it.

i always feel the need to fit my own standards. if i dont look good, whats the point of putting effort into anything, i wont be recognised.

i apologise for making forums where i mention the same stuff

 

[daleke]

saying this from experience, i'd recommend stepping away from ed spaces (or if you're there for support, avoiding/setting restrictions on the parts that have images or descriptions of triggering behaviour). you mention that you "used to" scroll on edtwt, i'm hoping that this is really a "used to" :') though i've broken my vow to never go back there a few times, eventually i did stop, so it can be done even if it takes a couple of tries. i still see myself as quite ugly, but it no longer occupies my entire headspace.

developing self-love in complete absence of any external validation or support isn't really possible, in my opinion. this is one of my gripes with self-love advice, that people expect you to just ignore all the messaging about what other people value and like in other human beings (often appearance-focused). you're in pockets of the internet where you regularly interact with people who hate anyone who's not conventionally attractive.

sometimes people do receive genuine positive comments from others and just refuse to believe them, sometimes people just don't receive them (or receive very little love and appreciation) in the first place. which bucket do you feel like you fall in right now?

 

[ScaredCutter]

sometimes people do receive genuine positive comments from others and just refuse to believe them, sometimes people just don't receive them (or receive very little love and appreciation) in the first place. which bucket do you feel like you fall in right now?

i dont scroll on edtwt anymore and when i see a post, its usually something thats gsined a ton of traction.

i do get positive commrnts about my looks in person but thats from family and i dont take their word for it because im judgemental of their apperance. i do get complimanted by my bf too and i do take his word for it but, once i see any part of my body or if my brain reminds me, i become sad and miserable because i believe i dont actually look good

 

[Macedonian1987]

I have neutral feelings towards myself. I don't hate myself. Why should I hate myself? I was and still am a good person that doesn't do harm to anyone. I don't love myself either, because I'm not good at anything. I never made any carrier, never had a job, never had a true friend nor a true relationship. My feelings are neutral towards myself.

What I hate are my circumstances and my poor health.

 

[daleke]

i dont scroll on edtwt anymore and when i see a post, its usually something thats gsined a ton of traction.

i do get positive commrnts about my looks in person but thats from family and i dont take their word for it because im judgemental of their apperance. i do get complimanted by my bf too and i do take his word for it but, once i see any part of my body or if my brain reminds me, i become sad and miserable because i believe i dont actually look good

proud of you for not scrolling edtwt anymore :) it's honestly a terrible place to hang out in. you've done yourself a favour by not being there anymore.

i hope you can also feel ok with yourself someday even if loving yourself seems far off, and i'm glad you have someone supportive in your life.

 

[Lycoris]

i cant speak for everyone because i feel like everyone is receptive to different types of love including themselves. but in my case, it took a long time before i was able to unlearn to internalize other peoples expectations of how i should look like or what i should act like or what i should be. i think it helps to also see myself in an external way, i give so many people grace for the hard things theyve gone through and why their behavior might not seem the best sometimes. i remember especially when i was 11-14 and starved myself until i was around 75lbs and ended up going to inpatient, all because i couldnt see my own worth. i didnt realize how cruel i was being to myself until many years later one day when i visited my friend and met their 11 year old daughter and felt like crying because it put EVERYTHING into perspective... everyone deserves a little grace with how unforgiving this life is

 

[an_alias]

i think edtwt works by reinforcing people's body dysmorphia and thus encouraging them to stay in the community; it does NOT help you to love yourself at all, therefore! and if you're even remotely exposed to it that still might be quite triggering. please cut it out completely twin. try to network with more people irl is what I'd recommend, maybe through people you already know? it would be really good for you to get people who can make you feel better about yourself via compliments and whatnot, because, after all:
"The truth is, you cannot love yourself unless you have been loved and are loved. The capacity to love cannot be built in isolation." - Bruce D. Perry

 

[continuing]

I have neutral feelings towards myself. I don't hate myself. Why should I hate myself? I was and still am a good person that doesn't do harm to anyone. I don't love myself either, because I'm not good at anything. I never made any carrier, never had a job, never had a true friend nor a true relationship. My feelings are neutral towards myself.

What I hate are my circumstances and my poor health.

and how do you feel about it, like, not hating yourself ?
apperance is something to put in pespective, for me for exemple, i prefer the more chubby types than the skinny ones, but thats me, i guess a lot comes also how i see other people, their personality and everything, i did see someone people change, to be avarege to beatifull just cause their personalities.

But of course i guess whats the matter is how you see yourself, but im trying to say is that what you think of beaty is not exacly what beauty might be for others and vice versa.

i really hope you can love yourself as well, i cant at this moment.