Discussion How do people treat you after a failed attempt?

[Scarecrow]

I'm so scared that if I survive, everyone will pity me, avoid me or just laugh at me

 

[Hofmann43]

My therapist reacted neutrally but my parents blamed me for it although they knew that I have depression

 

[DoNotLet2]

My toxic "parents" call me insane from time to time but besides nothing special but I have just one failed attempt. Maybe it's different for people with many attempts.
Btw should I be ashamed about it?

 

[CrazyMary]

You shouldn´t be ashamed of it. Therapists are trained to act neutrally to everything, they have a poker face on all the time. Sometimes is better that people don´t know it as some might not react the way we would expect.

 

[voidman]

Same feelings. I'm more afraid of failing and having to deal with the consequences than actually dying.

 

[DoNotLet2]

@voidman I think many people could agree with you like me for example. What if I survive? It's easier to ctb when you don't consider failing but ignoring this possibility is dumb so you have to consider it.

 

[voidman]

@voidman I think many people could agree with you like me for example. What if I survive? It's easier to ctb when you don't consider failing but ignoring this possibility is dumb so you have to consider it.

Yeah I think extensively researching and planning is the only thing that will put my mind at ease once I finally decide I'm ready to do it. I've never actually attempted before so I want to be as prepared as possible.

 

[deleted]

If I fail and someone knows I tried to kill myself I will be kicked out of the house, so I can't make mistakes

 

[_Kaira_]

My therapist always redirects my thoughts to try and turn it into something "positive" lol.

My family doesn't believe in mental illness and simply thinks that people who are, are just seeking attention and need to grow up. They told me if I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, and there's nothing they can do. If I survived, the people who I currently live with have said that I would not be welcomed back. I don't have friends so, yeah.

 

[DoNotLet2]

@JosephBrasil
Gosh, I'm sorry, that's sad :(

 

[TJuk]

In uni I got completely hated after my attempt, another time my parents said I did it for attention yet nobody knew I was trying to kill myself the only reason people knew was cos my friend had not heard from me in 24 hours and it was just paracetamol and alcohol. When I survived jumping from a bridge and unfortunately survived my parents reacted with anger

 

[Heart Shards]

Like your an egg rolling on table and everyone is around the corners with pillows trying to catch you.

 

[Rollsjack]

Lying on railway tracks AT NIGHT is better than hanging or jumping from somewhere

 

[Xocoyotziin]

I'm a lot more scared of brain damage than what anyone will think of me

 

[Scarecrow]

Same feelings. I'm more afraid of failing and having to deal with the consequences than actually dying.

Exactly... My family would panic and try to get me committed, and everyone else would think that I'm doing it for attention... I just can't deal with that. I need a method with very high success rate

 

[Trayus]

I feel shunned, now they officially know that i am not "normal" in the slightest and they avoid me. Professionals dont want to deal with me and try to send me to the next person so they dont have to take responsibility if something goes wrong (at least thats my impression).

I'll just pretend that i am over it and i am happy now, just like i have for the rest of my life. That way, when i finally go nobody will feel responsible

 

[Mercury6737]

This obviously may vary, but generally with kid gloves up until a certain point. After that, you're expected to move forward and be a "normal" member of society.

 

[Deleted member 94]

My mum said it's wrong, my dad said it's expected and wanted to know what took me so long.

 

[e_tries]

For me everyone treated me with pity, then anger, then they all left again after around 2 weeks. Now no one brings it up and treats me like a toddler, afraid of hurting my feelings

 

[Life_and_Death]

assuming no one outside of the 2 people in my support group (and my internet friends that know anyway because i met them all on a suicide site) not much would happen. the 2 people already internally panic daily and they both know that a psych ward will only make everything worse for me because of the way i am (basically i have a lot of anxiety and i dont take kindly to being forced to do something). i guess thats just me though. ive noticed im kinda different from most suicidal people so i wouldnt listen to me too much.

 

[JustKillBen22]

I've had the police called on me twice, I managed to avoid getting sectioned though and most people didn't treat me much differently, most just as shit as normal. I probably could've gone the same nights I had the police called on me after I was left alone, I wish I had but nonetheless I got out better than I expected. Unfortunately I really don't think that's common though, so still be cautious, you defo don't want to get caught in an attempt

 

[checkouttime]

assuming no one outside of the 2 people in my support group (and my internet friends that know anyway because i met them all on a suicide site) not much would happen. the 2 people already internally panic daily and they both know that a psych ward will only make everything worse for me because of the way i am (basically i have a lot of anxiety and i dont take kindly to being forced to do something). i guess thats just me though. ive noticed im kinda different from most suicidal people so i wouldnt listen to me too much.

there's nothing up with being different. everyone's circumstances will be different, no matter how alike they may seem.

 

[Lilacmoon]

"You embarrassed the family, what kind of parents do we look like?"

Asian parents, not even once.

 

[Life_and_Death]

there's nothing up with being different. everyone's circumstances will be different, no matter how alike they may seem.

yeah i know.....its just i see things as "it could have been worse" but even that aside.....ive never "attempted" (i was going to jump off a bridge on night but someone found me while i was going over the what ifs) and people here talk about having no friends and getting treated poorly by people. i just assume its the way i present myself. i can stand there talking to someone i just met and say "im suicidal" without a second thought (legit did this in the grocery store one day to a complete stranger)

 

[Beforeigo]

My friends supported me, mental health services were horrific and my soulmate of 7+ years left me and moved out

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Decades ago, I got very angry at someone who attempted and set it up to get discovered and rescued. We'd had a toxic friendship and had already mutually distanced ourselves from each other. When she later emailed me about something unrelated to the attempt, I took the opportunity to jump her shit about it and then shut her out. I would have acted that way even if her attempt was a full-on attempt with intent to die. Not one of my finer moments.

I lost someone when I was 14 to an unpredictable suicide and used to react with anger to talk of suicide and ideation because it was a trigger. I don't do that anymore. I listen, support, and let the person reach their own conclusions. If they've attempted, it's information, not a trigger to do something to try to have power or control. I've been like this for some years, way before joining SS.

But yeah, most people freak out and get controlling, get angry and blaming, and/or abandon, exactly as @whisper_willow said in comment 12, and @e_tries said in comment 18.

Anyone who was controlling or dismissive before, especially parents, will likely double or even quadruple down on those behaviors. I think one can expect magnified responses to whatever they previously experienced from others, not a reversal. It's rare that someone says, "Oh shit, I see now that you really did have problems and weren't just going on for attention," or, "You matter to me. What can I do now that I didn't do before?"

 

[Gerard de Nerval]

I told one of my friends about an attempt I made last year. She freaked out and hung up the phone. She didn't seem willing to talk about it but I understand why. In our social circle we had a few ctb, including a partner I had. She has no personal understanding of suicidal ideation which is incommunicable to her. Like a newly heard language with no ties to previous branches known. It was a mistake to tell her this because it has changed into her regarding me as a injured animal to soothe. Like her and others I now refuse to speak of anything regarding suicide.

 

[whywere]

I have had 2 attempts, both times people were very cautious around me as far as what to say, do, act/react, everything. Anohter words, they had no clueand I stayed away from alot of them for a while till THEY got over it, not me. Even now most people that knew about my attempts are extra nice and never say anything mean to me.

 

[Cant Maintain]

they infantilized me and assumed every move i made out of their sight would be another attempt. I could not go out for a smoke and take a step off the curb without a small gasp and them looking at eachother. if it wasnt a butter knife i couldn't cut my own food. this went on until we faked we were happy enough to satisfy their pity concerns.

 

[MrBigSad]

The only people who actually care about me are my parents. And this one girl who is the epitome of "oh no don't kill yourself you're too cute!" I appreciate her enthusiasm. I don't think her, or my parents. Or anyone really understands that if I died in my sleep tonight I would be extatic