Help how do i deal with self sabotaging tendencies

[ungodly]

what the title says lol. im not totally sure what im asking exactly but i desperately need help regulating myself and this is me admitting that idk where to start. i'm regularly seeing a therapist twice a week and i plan on bringing all of this up to her but i need help trying to figure out how to deal with everything outside of therapy.

self sabotage isn't really a new concept for me, i have a history of going out and complicating things for myself but i think most of that came from a place of impulsivity or just trying to find some relief from whatever i was experiencing in that moment, but now that im on a more clearcut path to recovery im tryna figure out how to manage urges i'm completely aware will make things worse for me.

i keep having thoughts of purposefully starting up fights w important people in my life so that they leave me alone and i can just be left to spiral by myself despite knowing how miserable that'd make me, or buying a shit ton of alcohol to numb myself even though im actively trying to curb my alcoholism. lately ive even thought of going out of my way to obtain harder drugs like coke or heroin since ik id be hooked the second i tried it but idk lol.

i recently put myself back in contact with an ex (she's been my current fp for over a year and a half, i have bpd as well) and that's already taking a major toll on me since i know how unhealthy our dynamic is and that theres virtually no way i could ever be in a relationship with her again. now that im back in this pit over her i have no idea how i'm gonna get myself out and it seems even less possible knowing that i willingly started talking to her again despite knowing what would happen once i did.

i just wanna have some stability in my life but idk how to obtain that when a part of me keeps trying to throw myself off track lmao

 

[timf]

Impulse control can be difficult, especially if in conjunction with bipolar. The self-stimulation of considering rash acts can reach addictive proportions. This can even be aggravated by dietary deficiencies. You might have to consider dealing with this on several levels. There are behavioral disciplines that you might work on cultivating. Supplementing you diet with vitamins and minerals could be helpful. Even medication might be useful.

People with poor impulse control can face painful consequences that result in financial or health difficulties and sometimes even incarceration. You may want to experiment to discover what might be effective. For example, if you were to undertake an exercise regime, you might find that it helps, makes things worse, or has no effect. If it helps you can add it to a "tool kit" of management techniques.

 

[Dot]

what the title says lol. im not totally sure what im asking exactly but i desperately need help regulating myself and this is me admitting that idk where to start. i'm regularly seeing a therapist twice a week and i plan on bringing all of this up to her but i need help trying to figure out how to deal with everything outside of therapy.

self sabotage isn't really a new concept for me, i have a history of going out and complicating things for myself but i think most of that came from a place of impulsivity or just trying to find some relief from whatever i was experiencing in that moment, but now that im on a more clearcut path to recovery im tryna figure out how to manage urges i'm completely aware will make things worse for me.

i keep having thoughts of purposefully starting up fights w important people in my life so that they leave me alone and i can just be left to spiral by myself despite knowing how miserable that'd make me, or buying a shit ton of alcohol to numb myself even though im actively trying to curb my alcoholism. lately ive even thought of going out of my way to obtain harder drugs like coke or heroin since ik id be hooked the second i tried it but idk lol.

i recently put myself back in contact with an ex (she's been my current fp for over a year and a half, i have bpd as well) and that's already taking a major toll on me since i know how unhealthy our dynamic is and that theres virtually no way i could ever be in a relationship with her again. now that im back in this pit over her i have no idea how i'm gonna get myself out and it seems even less possible knowing that i willingly started talking to her again despite knowing what would happen once i did.

i just wanna have some stability in my life but idk how to obtain that when a part of me keeps trying to throw myself off track lmao

Hs ur therpst offerd u DBT yt

 

[maylurker]

if you figure out lmk im sabotaging almost everything in my life

 

[ungodly]

Impulse control can be difficult, especially if in conjunction with bipolar. The self-stimulation of considering rash acts can reach addictive proportions. This can even be aggravated by dietary deficiencies. You might have to consider dealing with this on several levels. There are behavioral disciplines that you might work on cultivating. Supplementing you diet with vitamins and minerals could be helpful. Even medication might be useful.

People with poor impulse control can face painful consequences that result in financial or health difficulties and sometimes even incarceration. You may want to experiment to discover what might be effective. For example, if you were to undertake an exercise regime, you might find that it helps, makes things worse, or has no effect. If it helps you can add it to a "tool kit" of management techniques.

yeah ill try to keep this in mind lmao. i guess i'm just so used to looking for quick fixes in my life its hard for me to remember tools like that exist on a smaller scale.i think ive gotten pretty good at recognizing that what im doing is unhealthy or might lead me down the wrong path in the future, but that future feels so distant i hardly ever consider it until i actually get there.

this makes sense tho thank u insight man

Hs ur therpst offerd u DBT yt

yeah she has. she's licensed in dbt and its my understanding that she's been incorporating dbt techniques into my sessions w/ her, it's just a difficult thing for me to commit to longterm i guess. i think im willing to start dbt if it'll help and i know it probably will, its just really hard for me to stay motivated to do something when i have to dedicate so much time to making myself vulnerable if that makes sense. idk lol

if you figure out lmk im sabotaging almost everything in my life

will do lmao