How do I cope with the anxiety of ending it all?

[iwannaletgo]

Hi, i'm new here. I'm happy to have a place to talk about how i'm really feeling without the fear of being taken away.

I've been working on my plan for awhile now, ever since i discovered SN. Every time i think about how it feels to use it (I extensively read the guides and discussions) I feel anxiety and my heart thunders in my chest. It makes me afraid i will regret it when i know that it's what i want.

I have someone who means a lot to me that i will be willingly leaving behind. it hurts to think about how my death will hurt him, but i have come to terms that i don't mean to him what he means to me. my place in his life is ultimately insignificant. i desperately want to tell him that i'm at the end of my rope and planning to end my life, because deep down i hope it would change things, but i know that is not how things work. i can't change him or make him love and care about me. he was my last tether to life and, really, i just can't handle the hurt and sadness anymore.

i'm debating on how to tie up my loose ends. i'm currently in therapy and taking meds but neither of those are helpful. i want to stop both but i know that would sound off alarm bells and might ruin my plans. i also want to spend good time with him before i go so that i won't have any regrets.

How do i cope with this? i want out. i'm just so sad. why am i so afraid?

 

[lizzywizzy09]

SI is deeply embedded into all of us unfortunately. It's nearly impossible to get around. Personally, I try to remind myself that we all die anyway, it's simply unavoidable. Also, we won't necessarily die peacefully even if we wait for old age/natural causes to take us. I witnessed two of my grandparents die, one in his 90's, and it was anything but peaceful in spite of attempts to make it so, and it seemed to go on forever. I would rather go by my own hand than suffer like that.

I hope you do whatever is best for you.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

SI is deeply embedded into all of us unfortunately. It's nearly impossible to get around. Personally, I try to remind myself that we all die anyway, it's simply unavoidable. Also, we won't necessarily die peacefully even if we wait for old age/natural causes to take us. I witnessed two of my grandparents die, one in his 90's, and it was anything but peaceful in spite of attempts to make it so, and it seemed to go on forever. I would rather go by my own hand than suffer like that.

I hope you do whatever is best for you.

That is the way to defeat si to remind yourself that we all will die anyway .

That even suicidal people have to remind ourselves that we are all going to die anyway shows no human is in reality. Why would we have to remind ourselves of the most fundamental fact of all that we are all going to die anyway.

The normies 99% of humans think Death is bad . but they are not in fear or dreading that they are going to die anyway. Why because they don't fully understand that they will die also

 

[inevitablesomewhere]

What helps me is remembering that everything is temporary, from every person ever born to the every last star in the universe. Astrophysics keeps me grounded in a much grander timescale, lol.

 

[JessIsAlive]

That is the way to defeat si to remind yourself that we all will die anyway .

That even suicidal people have to remind ourselves that we are all going to die anyway shows no human is in reality. Why would we have to remind ourselves of the most fundamental fact of all that we are all going to die anyway.

The normies 99% of humans think Death is bad . but they are not in fear or dreading that they are going to die anyway. Why because they don't fully understand that they will die also

this and to have truly lost all hope
the SI kicks in because even if 1% of you thinks you might be able to get out of the situation that makes you want to die that 1% will fight even if its deep in the subconscious

 

[drag201]

You dont. Eventually the anxiety of staying becomes stronger and you let go. I feel the same way, and despite having no will to keep going I am still, naturally, afraid to go. But I know one day I will reach beyond the limit. I hope you are doing better now, and if you are thinking of going through, I hope you can say proper goodbye to all of the things keeping you here. Best wishes!!

 

[iwannaletgo]

SI is deeply embedded into all of us unfortunately. It's nearly impossible to get around. Personally, I try to remind myself that we all die anyway, it's simply unavoidable. Also, we won't necessarily die peacefully even if we wait for old age/natural causes to take us. I witnessed two of my grandparents die, one in his 90's, and it was anything but peaceful in spite of attempts to make it so, and it seemed to go on forever. I would rather go by my own hand than suffer like that.

I hope you do whatever is best for you.

thank you for replying, i got very scared my post would get lost and go unseen

i feel like i keep postponing and waiting because i want something to change or get better, but i know it won't. i want to stop feeling afraid. i don't want to be here but ctb seems so scary. maybe i should really take time for myself.

 

[nasigoreng99]

Hi, i'm new here. I'm happy to have a place to talk about how i'm really feeling without the fear of being taken away.

I've been working on my plan for awhile now, ever since i discovered SN. Every time i think about how it feels to use it (I extensively read the guides and discussions) I feel anxiety and my heart thunders in my chest. It makes me afraid i will regret it when i know that it's what i want.

I have someone who means a lot to me that i will be willingly leaving behind. it hurts to think about how my death will hurt him, but i have come to terms that i don't mean to him what he means to me. my place in his life is ultimately insignificant. i desperately want to tell him that i'm at the end of my rope and planning to end my life, because deep down i hope it would change things, but i know that is not how things work. i can't change him or make him love and care about me. he was my last tether to life and, really, i just can't handle the hurt and sadness anymore.

i'm debating on how to tie up my loose ends. i'm currently in therapy and taking meds but neither of those are helpful. i want to stop both but i know that would sound off alarm bells and might ruin my plans. i also want to spend good time with him before i go so that i won't have any regrets.

How do i cope with this? i want out. i'm just so sad. why am i so afraid?

You are not alone, my friend. The fact that suicide is unnatural. Even we want to die but our SI will do its job. That's why we can't compare anyone's suicidal reasoning, timing and all that. But what i found effectively that will help override SI is our belief. I read this somewhere and i will upload the post but apologies to the OP I didn't get to screenshot his name.