Help How do I busy myself from thinking about suicide

[miles-away]

I've never felt worse in my life. I move away in 3 weeks but I'm stuck in my parents house. I do not own a car and nobody is allowed to touch my mother's precious car. So I'm housebound lately. I live in a very sleepy, boring desert town and there is really nothing to do within walking distance. The only times I've been out of the house lately has been when my family wants to do twee Christmas activities. All my friends/ex-coworkers kind of have their own shit going on and probably will not meet up with me. Ex-boyfriend broke up with me a few months ago and even though we've been off and on with contact, talking to him makes me incredibly sad and I miss him a lot.

Being in such close confinement with them again is sort of bringing me back to my NEET days. I feel terrible and I've never felt more suicidal in my life. I am very, very tempted to blow what little savings I have, go to somewhere I've always wanted to visit and just kill myself there. I mean, I've kind come to accept that if I don't kill myself now, it will probably be when I'm 25 or 28 or 30 and my life actually sucks for real.

I kind of like redecorating my room but I see no point since I'll never come back to it. I could go to the mall but I'd have to take an uber. I bought a $200 banjo and haven't touched it. My minds fucked cooked from ADHD and an internet addiction.
Idk. What can I do to not kill myself before moving away.

 

[honeythunder]

Well, where are you moving to? That sounds refreshing. How are you going to get around once you get there? Sounds like you're so close to freedom! Big moves are a big breath of fresh air sometimes

 

[timf]

Perhaps in the short term escapism would work. For years people have let their imaginations take them to distant worlds through fiction.

 

[instormdrains]

Try exercising and listening to good music. Going for a really long run used to help me a lot. Maybe just do some push ups if you dont have gym membership. The banjo seems interesting I have a guitar but I broke a string while learning it and never replaced it lmao

 

[slowlydying2mrrw]

I've never felt worse in my life. I move away in 3 weeks but I'm stuck in my parents house. I do not own a car and nobody is allowed to touch my mother's precious car. So I'm housebound lately. I live in a very sleepy, boring desert town and there is really nothing to do within walking distance. The only times I've been out of the house lately has been when my family wants to do twee Christmas activities. All my friends/ex-coworkers kind of have their own shit going on and probably will not meet up with me. Ex-boyfriend broke up with me a few months ago and even though we've been off and on with contact, talking to him makes me incredibly sad and I miss him a lot.

Being in such close confinement with them again is sort of bringing me back to my NEET days. I feel terrible and I've never felt more suicidal in my life. I am very, very tempted to blow what little savings I have, go to somewhere I've always wanted to visit and just kill myself there. I mean, I've kind come to accept that if I don't kill myself now, it will probably be when I'm 25 or 28 or 30 and my life actually sucks for real.

I kind of like redecorating my room but I see no point since I'll never come back to it. I could go to the mall but I'd have to take an uber. I bought a $200 banjo and haven't touched it. My minds fucked cooked from ADHD and an internet addiction.
Idk. What can I do to not kill myself before moving away.

I'm gonna assume you aren't a nature person. Ironically, in my worst time, I drove out too the desert to try and heal. I visited the national parks near me and was hoping it could help. It was so so, but better than being stuck in my location at home. Have you tried just a small hike?

 

[miles-away]

I'm gonna assume you aren't a nature person. Ironically, in my worst time, I drove out too the desert to try and heal. I visited the national parks near me and was hoping it could help. It was so so, but better than being stuck in my location at home. Have you tried just a small hike?

I actually love nature but I'm sort stuck without a car. The nearest national park is 3+ hours away.

The most I do is go on small walks and it somewhat helps.

 

[woofwag]

Hey, I'm in a similar situation rn so I feel for you. It sucks so bad. Idk, I don't have a lot of good advice beyond just trying your best to keep yourself stimulated. I like to watch Dougdoug while playing Minesweeper or solving nonograms. Sometimes I'll do random crafts. I also like playing with fire, literally. Just seeing what random shit I can burn. I'm an earwig hater (they infested my place once and I cried for like a week, it was so bad) so sometimes I'll burn earwigs cuz apparently I'm a terrible person and am evil, or something. I hope you're able to hold out until you can move. It sounds like that will be refreshing for you.

 

[Cloud Busting]

Hmmm

Gonna sound like a total Debbie downer here

And say that trying to distract myself from my suicidal thoughts just made them worse. Just reminds me that life is all about distracting oneself until we die, reminds me of that Mr. Peanut butter quote haha. I find that so disturbing. Maybe it provides you comfort though and that's ok.

I would suggest digging deep into what's making you feel suicidal. It's a painful process, if you're not ready, that's understandable. For me it was feeling like a burden. Realizing those close to me did not perceive me that way is what made me rethink the decision. That discovery was useful in helping me learn to heal (still have work to do!)

I suppose religion is a nice distraction. And reading. But that's just me.

Sorry about the lack of access to a car. ):

 

[trying ungracefully]

Crochet. You have to count or it's just better to count to make sure your rows are right so your mind is filled with that. And with me even if I'm not counting I get in a rhythm where my thoughts are just passing by and it's almost meditative. Also I usually have some show in the background and I have my white noise machine going too so the sounds also fill up my mind and drown things out.

It probably won't work in a break down because I can't focus on anything when it's like that but with suicidal ideation that is just there in average moments it can help.

 

[orvreader]

Hobbies help as a distraction; the longer a hobby takes and the harder a hobby is, the more distracting it should be. Something like reading is a good example, but that might be boring, so try light reads such as light novels and webnovels, it helped for me. Learning an instrument is a good one too, they're decently hard, pretty fun, and shows progress in a very audible way.