Help How do i ask my bf for help?(help)

[c.c]

I was molested by my cousin as a minor for 2 months. He isn't scared of my parents or friends as he has already planned out how to put the fake blame on me and i agree that my parents won't support me and rather make my life more unbearable. Though he is scared of my bf and i know he wont do anything to me if i have my bf close to me.

Now, my bf's parents found out about us ( 8 times) and have told him that if this would be the last time they are trusting him and if caught again they will never trust him again and he would be homeless?

Now, he wants to break up but that would mean that my slim sense of security will be gone. And i haven't told him in detail about my cousin' fear towards him and how much i really need him(aside from death ofc) and am willing to help him with his family situtation(even if it will make my life bad) but bet it won't be as bad as getting raped. And i know it's my life my problem stuff but i really can't risk him leaving and i don't know what and how to tell him and ask him for help..i know i am asking him for a life time commitment and he doesn't love me and i would have to bare with him cheating on me in future but i don't want to ask him for a life time commitment cuz guess what? I am not living that long..

How can i ask him for help till the day i die?
What exactly do i tell him and how? To get a bit of sympathy ?

It's just that i want to try every thing before going for my last resort..
( also, what if he judges me and doesn't understand what i did in those 2 months was in order to protect myself from getting raped?? He didn't judge me while hearing about my 1st molestation but what if he does now??)

 

[Haematemesis]

i think this issue is bigger than any two people can handle without professional help

one of my friends whom i cared for got molested and i could do nothing about it, to be honest it still haunts me and probably gave me dozens of undiagnosed anxiety types

to answer your question if you seek emotional support and trust your partner it's totally normal to sit in front of them and have a honest talk.

i hope you get both emotional and actional support

 

[c.c]

I am sorry to hear that....but currently i don't have access to any mental health care..and i hope so too..but don't know how to ask him..

 

[Hvergelmir]

Take control of your own protection. Be angry. Protect yourself. Arm yourself with pepper spray, or in a pinch, a can of spray paint.

Usually you don't have to be stronger than a perpetrator - just strong enough to not be an easy victim.

He isn't scared of my parents or friends as he has already planned out how to put the fake blame on me

It sounds like he's manipulating you. It's a scenario I recognize from people being exploited. He controls the narrative by having you believe that he's in control. In reality I think you can turn that around, pretty easily.

I of course make a lot of assumption based on quite different experiences. You have to make your own risk assessment, but I believe in aggression in those scenarios.

 

[c.c]

Take control of your own protection. Be angry. Protect yourself. Arm yourself with pepper spray, or in a pinch, a can of spray paint.

Usually you don't have to be stronger than a perpetrator - just strong enough to not be an easy victim.

It sounds like he's manipulating you. It's a scenario I recognize from people being exploited. He controls the narrative by having you believe that he's in control. In reality I think you can turn that around, pretty easily.

I of course make a lot of assumption based on quite different experiences. You have to make your own risk assessment, but I believe in aggression in those scenarios.

I will carry a sharp pocket knief and spray

 

[Hvergelmir]

sharp pocket knief

Just take care to not cause a bloody mess. No matter if he deserves it or not, you don't want to invertedly cause a massacre. Knives can escalate very fast.

 

[c.c]

Just take care to not cause a bloody mess. No matter if he deserves it or not, you don't want to invertedly cause a massacre. Knives can escalate very fast.

I don't think i would be able to do much damage as i small in height, weight and strength..but yeah will keep that in mind

 

[Hvergelmir]

I don't think i would be able to do much damage as i small in height

Please take knives very seriously. They're very dangerous weapons. Your height, weight, and strength don't matter if you ram a blade into someone.
His fear after being stabbed could also make him extremely aggressive, as his survival might depend on it.

I would not recommend knives for self defense. Especially not short ones.

 

[c.c]

Please take knives very seriously. They're very dangerous weapons. Your height, weight, and strength don't matter if you ram a blade into someone.
His fear after being stabbed could also make him extremely aggressive, as his survival might depend on it.

I would not recommend knives for self defense. Especially not short ones.

Okay..i won't

 

[Forever Sleep]

Personally, I think you need to do everything possible to avoid being around your cousin again.

It's maybe not sensible to suggest this but, I think your parents do need to know- if they are the ones forcing you to see him again.

It doesn't really sound like you may be able to count on your boyfriend long-term for protection, so I think you need to take steps to protect yourself.

I'd imagine there must be free resources out there for people who have been sexually abused. I personally think you should try to get support/ advice from them. I'm sure they will be used to people struggling in very complicated circumstances- not wanting to tell family members. Being afraid of having to see past abusers again. I feel like these people will be more experienced in advising on what course to take.

 

[c.c]

Personally, I think you need to do everything possible to avoid being around your cousin again.

It's maybe not sensible to suggest this but, I think your parents do need to know- if they are the ones forcing you to see him again.

It doesn't really sound like you may be able to count on your boyfriend long-term for protection, so I think you need to take steps to protect yourself.

I'd imagine there must be free resources out there for people who have been sexually abused. I personally think you should try to get support/ advice from them. I'm sure they will be used to people struggling in very complicated circumstances- not wanting to tell family members. Being afraid of having to see past abusers again. I feel like these people will be more experienced in advising on what course to take.

Thank you..i will look into it

 

[Forever Sleep]

Thank you..i will look into it

I hope you find something. I've done a quick Google search and, resources do seem available in multiple countries. Awful in itself really- it means it must be prevalent everywhere.

I so hope you find someone supportive and who gives good advice. You deserve to be protected from having to see this guy again.

I get the sense you're worried that your cousin will find a way to blame you- if his secret is revealed. Any reasonable person and most especially your parents ought to be able to see you were a child in this situation. Children are manipulated into things like this. None of it is your fault. It's why there's a legal age of consent and why grooming is known about. I so hope someone professional can guide you through this difficult time.

It's absolutely understandable that you would want support and protection from your boyfriend but, as you've described him and his family, it seems unwise to try to rely entirely on him.

I personally think your parents ought to be the ones most invested in your safety. However, if they aren't strong enough, I think you need to stand your ground and protect yourself. I don't see any reason why you should be required to see your cousin again.

 

[c.c]

I hope you find something. I've done a quick Google search and, resources do seem available in multiple countries. Awful in itself really- it means it must be prevalent everywhere.

I so hope you find someone supportive and who gives good advice. You deserve to be protected from having to see this guy again.

I get the sense you're worried that your cousin will find a way to blame you- if his secret is revealed. Any reasonable person and most especially your parents ought to be able to see you were a child in this situation. Children are manipulated into things like this. None of it is your fault. It's why there's a legal age of consent and why grooming is known about. I so hope someone professional can guide you through this difficult time.

It's absolutely understandable that you would want support and protection from your boyfriend but, as you've described him and his family, it seems unwise to try to rely entirely on him.

I personally think your parents ought to be the ones most invested in your safety. However, if they aren't strong enough, I think you need to stand your ground and protect yourself. I don't see any reason why you should be required to see your cousin again.

I really am stuck somewhere in hell. And i know my bf can't protect me the best he can or i can do in order to provide me is somehow avoid the upcoming wedding, somehow introduce him to my family, get his family somewhat sorted out and make him attend all other family function along side me but again it's easier said than done. And i still am a lot skeptical about my parents part and right now also dealing with uni applications ..got a lot my plate but i will try my best to protect myself as i always have

 

[Average Joe]

Fuck, I really feel for you right now.
Do you mind if I ask what country you're in? Maybe there's police or charities/organisations that could support you?

How come you haven't told your family? Maybe they WILL believe you, but I don't want to suggest the wrong thing and make things worse for you.

If you're in Ireland, I can have your cousin sorted.

 

[c.c]

Fuck, I really feel for you right now.
Do you mind if I ask what country you're in? Maybe there's police or charities/organisations that could support you?

How come you haven't told your family? Maybe they WILL believe you, but I don't want to suggest the wrong thing and make things worse for you.

If you're in Ireland, I can have your cousin sorted.

No..after been intruepted while testing how partial hanging works my parents finally after so many year did took me to therapy but i never told them anything about my molestation so instead of getting diagnosed with depression & cptsd i got diagnosed with severe depression & anxiety..
My family won't believe it..it took them so many years to accept my depression..
Thank you but i am in india
And since under supervision i can no longer ditch the wedding

 

[Average Joe]

No..after been intruepted while testing how partial hanging works my parents finally after so many year did took me to therapy but i never told them anything about my molestation so instead of getting diagnosed with depression & cptsd i got diagnosed with severe depression & anxiety..
My family won't believe it..it took them so many years to accept my depression..
Thank you but i am in india
And since under supervision i can no longer ditch the wedding

Do you think there would be harm in telling your parents? I totally understand it but from a different experience. I was sexually abused as a child and I'm thankful that I told my family, even though it breaks their heart. I am sorry that they aren't being as supportive as they should.

I don't really know much about India, I do know in certain countries and cultures that mental illness is frowned upon.

What's the wedding for? I think I missed that in your posts.

 

[c.c]

Do you think there would be harm in telling your parents? I totally understand it but from a different experience. I was sexually abused as a child and I'm thankful that I told my family, even though it breaks their heart. I am sorry that they aren't being as supportive as they should.

I don't really know much about India, I do know in certain countries and cultures that mental illness is frowned upon.

What's the wedding for? I think I missed that in your posts.

it's his elder sister's wedding and yeah mental illness isn't something people are aware of its just looked at as being cazy