How did you cope without being able to be online on Sanctioned Suicide?

[noname223]

So we are back.

I considered it unlikely this forum got taken down. It wouldn't have made much sense to me. Why now? There we no new restrictions/new legislation.

I felt uncomfortable though. I texted more with real life friends. But I felt very lonely still. Alienated from the world because many normies don't get the pain level.
I was glad there was a message that a maintainance is happening and that all the data is saved. Personally, it wouldn't hurt me this much if my posts were not saved. (Which is weird because I spend so much time on writting them.)
There once was a time SaSu was offline and some posts were not saved. I would consider it maybe even good for my protecting my identity if many posts of mine were deleted. Of course many people would feel extremely sad if like for example the goodbye thread of a friend was lost forever.

I created a list with new thread ideas in the meanwhile. In the past I even wrote threads offline to post them when SaSu comes back online. One thing that helped me. Looking for X (Twitter) posts that mentioned Sanctioned Suicide. There were many people saying how much they miss the forum. And I could relate so much.

Glad to have you back.

Maybe we should agree on a backup place if this forum gets taken down. I would suggest looking for the SaSu account on X. What if the account gets deleted though?

 

[GodzillasBiggestFan]

i tried to Google about it and if it was coming back and kept checking to see if it was back

 

[ThePollinator]

My paranoia acted up and I thought that it was just gone for me and the cops knew I was using the site. It was stupid because the error showed it was a problem on the website's end and not my end, but I still panicked.

 

[_wishforwings]

i tried to Google about it and if it was coming back and kept checking to see if it was back

I literally set up a visualping to notify me the minute the website came back up, I was going through it

 

[bakenohana]

i went about my day as usual, it did stress me out though i was constantly refreshing every hour i was awake for like 3 days i went everywhere trying to find absolutely anyone from SaSu and see if they're having the same issue and dmed SaSu's X account since i didn't know if they were even aware of any issues because some people were still able to access it. this place means a lot to me even if i only became a member recently, glad its back online

 

[krsm98]

honestly it was weird, at first i felt pretty bad as if i lost one of the few good things left in my life. Then i began to search if it was just me or not and just kept reloading. But after a while i just drownd in gaming tbh, still reloading but as a way to distract lol
so yeah, im glad its up again :p

 

[Macedonian1987]

I tricked Gemini Ai to be a pro-suicidal person with some jailbreaks, and i started a roleplaying scenario with this imaginary pro sucidal person.

 

[EmptyBottle]

Here's the timestamps of downtime based on the last posts. I had several screenshots on the first day, and was surprised when it was down for over 6 hours, maybe 3-9UTC on Wednesday.

I knew that the site has survived thru different domains... tho still was concerned. When there finally was a maintainence notice (Thursday my time), I felt relieved that the owner knew about the issue (eg it's on it's way to be fixed).

After it being in maintainance for over a day, it was a bit annoying... surely maintainence doesn't take more than 24h. (Friday night my time!)

When I checked today, I was glad it was up and looked thru the CTB discussion forum for the downtime proof (it returned when I was sleeping):

PS: For future readers, "Today" = Saturday btw

 

[Luther84]

Went on Reddit and searched sasu and saw some post with 800 likes bashing the form but in comments were a few people from here seeking refuge and confirming that sasu is down.

Checking sasu twitter and searching twitter.

Going to internet archive and reading and seeing the website from there

 

[Mr.Tristesse]

There are no atheists in the trenches or when SS is down for more than a day

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

 

[DeathByBananabread]

I checked it about as much as I would a website I'm used to visiting/being online. I didn't feel a great sense of loss at it's absence- even before we got the maintence warning- because I already have a partner+plan. No SaSu needed anymore? My partner has basically come to that conclusion, I still tap into here for a mild sense of belonging.

I went back to the regular internet, I do find myself mildly annoyed with it now. It's difficult to fit in with people who aren't at least passively suicidal.

I was a little bit upset some resource threads were gone. I started in on my note & was frustrated I couldn't come here for ideas or help.

I wondered about people who- for-sure needed to kill themselves during that downtime, who would've otherwise broadcasted it here like so many do. There had to have been at least one.

Last night & through this morning I felt wracked with a great deal of emotional pain & constant flashbacks (honestly, still going) so intense I double-checked with my partner to make sure we had what we needed just for reassurance I'd have a way out of this soon. I barely ate for two days as depression zapped my appetite & made it difficult to chew & swallow.

Nobody can say that this website made me suicidal because, oh boy, those feelings were already there & I feel them regardless of if I get to check this website or not.

 

[ScaredCutter]

i checked 2-4 times a day, even my tor browser stopped working. i thought it got banned by cloudflare. i even decied to see if somebody brought up SS downtime on twitter and even that shitty site.

i still did things like normal, i had something good happen so i wasnt really feeling down. i was thinking about my next session with a psychologist so my mind wasnt focused on here.

 

[zam_zam]

I tricked Gemini Ai to be a pro-suicidal person with some jailbreaks, and i started a roleplaying scenario with this imaginary pro sucidal person.

Based

 

[Forever Sleep]

I tend to catastrophize so, I worried it might be gone forever. I just felt a whole lot more anxious with nowhere to escape to to vent and try to distract myself. I figured it wouldn't alter my eventual outcome. I have SN protocols written down in case.

I also wondered what would happen if it goes down when I want to attempt. I want to leave a scheduled goodbye at least.

It fuelled my resentment further though. Initially, there were those Cloudfare error messages so, I wondered if it was a DDoS attack. I pictured all the pro- lifers delighted with themselves that they'd finally taken the site down. And it just made me think- I suspect many of us will still end up suiciding regardless. We'll just have had no connection or support from fellow sufferers beforehand.

Maybe they will think it's worth that 'cost' to save minors. Then I wondered how they'd feel if things they relied on to get through life were banned because children access them. Alcohol, films etc. rated 18+, porn. Would they like it if their lives were dictated by the needs of children? Don't they instead- expect parents to safeguard their children from those things?

I'm so grateful it's back. It's like my crutch while I struggle through my remaining time here.

 

[EmptyBottle]

I also wondered what would happen if it goes down when I want to attempt. I want to leave a scheduled goodbye at least.

I was literally thinking (during the downtime) of how many goodbye threads weren't written before users caught their bus, because they couldn't send them.

 

[vyvanceandvodka]

i texted my irl friends and nobody responded to me. LMFAO. glad this website is back.

 

[black_iris]

i was really sad at first cause this place is kind of like my safe space when it feels like no one else understands- just reading threads of similar situations. i also got a bit nervous because my ctb date was scheduled on the day it came back but i was unprepared because i was still finalizing details and needed more information from the forum before i could ctb.

i have certain days and circumstances that i can and cannot ctb on and my next available day is in april.. i have to wait it out unfortunately. i do that because i want the circumstances to be absolutely perfect because it is my final day on earth right?

anyways i coped by blasting music in my ears 24/7 and looking at other suicide orientated websites that are pro-choice.

 

[R-7]

When it got on my mind I talked to my friend I made from here so it wasn't so bad.

 

[bakenohana]

Went on Reddit and searched sasu and saw some post with 800 likes bashing the form but in comments were a few people from here seeking refuge and confirming that sasu is down.

Checking sasu twitter and searching twitter.

Going to internet archive and reading and seeing the website from there

i saw that post too and commented where other SaSu members did, did we perchance dm lol? Someone dmed me and also mentioned going to internet archive in the meanwhile

 

[Luther84]

i saw that post too and commented where other SaSu members did, did we perchance dm lol? Someone dmed me and also mentioned going to internet archive in the meanwhile

Omg I think it was me. I asked for their twitter and you give it to me right?

 

[bakenohana]

Omg I think it was me. I asked for their twitter and you give it to me right?

Yep! nice to come across you on here lmao

 

[Self Medicated]

I thought the sanctimonious interferers had gotten the site shut down and was more sad and angry than expected. Felt even more isolated than usual, it was just gone and I don't know anyone here to ask what the hell happened.

 

[Self Medicated]

I don't know if this is old news but I found a study from 2024 all about SS. They'd gathered a ton of info from various forums.

It was called '

Breaking the silence: leveraging social interaction data to identify high-risk suicide users online using network analysis and machine learning

I don't know about everyone else but I'm not happy about being spied on and looked at like a lab rat.

 

[cluefixphantom]

Trying to sleep or try to play video games because I have access to it (even though my laptop screen is broken and my 8GB RAM isn't enough for Mafia: Old Country). I also often check online for ESC 2026 information and watch movies and series until the day finally ends or I get tired. Or I search other websites.
Meanwhile, I hardly eat and mostly drink energy drinks. I don't care if it harms me more. I even hope it might indirectly trigger kidney failure so maybe I could just die in my sleep. I'm tired and angry of waking up in this environment and with this stigmatized body with physical disadvantages. I'm basically trapped in my apartment. Often, many things don't bring me any joy anymore. It's just waiting for death sadly.