Discussion How are you planning to spend your remaining days before you CTB?

[tarnishedstoner]

I'll be catching the bus this month and I was wondering how is everyone planning on spending their last remaining days?
Are you going to tie up loose ends? Forgive those who wronged you? Apologise to the ones you wronged?
Or are you going to indulge in your favourite activites? Eat your favourite food? Do the things you'd always wanted to do?
Perhaps you're going to spend the last days with your loved ones? Or your pet?

Tell us your plans. Any and all answers are appreciated.

 

[ginko0]

Man, probably just spend the last days with my family, try to see my best friends a last time and enjoy whatever pleasure's left on this little planet. And by that I mean pizza, poetry and movies.

Will be going early January, so my family can enjoy the holidays.

What about you, OP?

 

[shiftingtendons]

i plan on visiting my boyfriend one last time, away from my family where i can finally have some days of peace. then I'll get back to the hell that is my family and I'll be reminded why i wanted to do this in the first place

 

[wordsoutb4sumnelsin]

Yep, loose ends I can't help but feel I HAVE to tie up. Really, the main reasons to still be here. As well as fear (unfortunately), like of going out in my own home lest I failed or wasn't thorough enough and can be revived, and thus a need to go out, physically as far as possible. But have to tie things up, try to avoid hurting others as much as possible... Though, as I write it...

Just been hating the inability to just be able to take N and go out truly peacefully... But, so, I have to wait... I don't WANT anything, so even food, entertainment... You name it, I don't want it. I could be good to go RIGHT NOW, if not for the social sate of things involving suicide. I'd have to be terminally ill and older. Cuz a 1/3 of a century isn't "enough". Cuz actually getting to feel like I LIVED, loved, gave, received, plenty ups and downs... This "can't be enough to be DONE" is what I'm told... Not wanting MORE just HAS to be a problem... Lol which I get. Statistically even. Fuck it, I already said elsewhere - I'm a freaking mental health counselor myself. I know a thing or two about psychology and our brains...

But I'm just struggling to both wait, and to feel ok will setting a date. I have already decided on a likely timeframe, but it WOULD be amazing to get a date set. All the final pieces really. I SO wish for it. But wish I wasn't capable of guilt, of feeling bad for others, of thinking of what can be thought and said afterward.

The fact that my whole plan unfortunately ended up as a long process, lol tho knowing I could literally reach over THIS SECOND... It's so tough to feel the need to continue around for others. Likely some acting, some lying. Again, knowing, likely I won't/shouldn't try to freaking shoot myself in my home. Too scared to "miss" enough to live. Lol even with 3in 00 buckshot already in my possession...

But I have clients to refer away. Spend time to try to hopefully make sure they don't even learn I ctb as long as I don't end up on the news. I've given family plenty of chance to connect. Mom and sis did hear enough of my mindset to end up fearing and simply staying away, I guess to protect themselves. And I'm still scared of wellness checking due to this plan of waiting some time. CAN'T have my ability to choose taken away... So yeah, I just end up freaking waiting, which I guess is why I'm here typing...

 

[interna]

giving away my stuff

 

[BPDvic]

Not changing anything or doing anything, just like any other day.

 

[MrNobody88]

I don't have much energy to do anything really lately. I have Christmas week off from work and no where to be so I just need to get it over with honestly. I have been throwing things away and giving stuff away but its not going to matter once I am gone I guess. I wrote all my passwords for my stuff in a notebook for me family so they can get my money and everything else. I have more then enough money saved up to cover expenses of my death. I guess I keep stalling, its not easy to take your own life.

 

[WeDontKnowTheFuture]

trying to prepare myself to leave, being the more in peace with what's going to happen

 

[tarnishedstoner]

Man, probably just spend the last days with my family, try to see my best friends a last time and enjoy whatever pleasure's left on this little planet. And by that I mean pizza, poetry and movies.

Will be going early January, so my family can enjoy the holidays.

What about you, OP?

That sounds lovely.
I don't love my family and I don't like my friends enough to want to see them before i leave. I had a best friend, there's not much love left i think. I'll just be playing silksong (a videogame) with her till i drop her off to the station for the holidays.
I guess I'll finish reading Stoner by John Williams.

giving away my stuff

I'm planning to give away my piano and PS5 as well.

 

[qw3rty259]

Nah, I'm just nervous about things I might skipped during preparations... Need to hide all my internet activity and info about me, be sure I wrote important stuff in the suicide note. There's no chill for me, sadly. Though, I do go out and walk the path I walked thousand times already and listen to favourite music and remember some stuff. But generally I'm confused. Now I'm thinking I'm too desensitized to the idea of suicide that my calmness makes me think like it's "just a phase " die to me being suicidal for nore than 10 years now. Anyway, i don't know what i want too say, there's just no chill mentally

 

[tarnishedstoner]

Yep, loose ends I can't help but feel I HAVE to tie up. Really, the main reasons to still be here. As well as fear (unfortunately), like of going out in my own home lest I failed or wasn't thorough enough and can be revived, and thus a need to go out, physically as far as possible. But have to tie things up, try to avoid hurting others as much as possible... Though, as I write it...

Just been hating the inability to just be able to take N and go out truly peacefully... But, so, I have to wait... I don't WANT anything, so even food, entertainment... You name it, I don't want it. I could be good to go RIGHT NOW, if not for the social sate of things involving suicide. I'd have to be terminally ill and older. Cuz a 1/3 of a century isn't "enough". Cuz actually getting to feel like I LIVED, loved, gave, received, plenty ups and downs... This "can't be enough to be DONE" is what I'm told... Not wanting MORE just HAS to be a problem... Lol which I get. Statistically even. Fuck it, I already said elsewhere - I'm a freaking mental health counselor myself. I know a thing or two about psychology and our brains...

But I'm just struggling to both wait, and to feel ok will setting a date. I have already decided on a likely timeframe, but it WOULD be amazing to get a date set. All the final pieces really. I SO wish for it. But wish I wasn't capable of guilt, of feeling bad for others, of thinking of what can be thought and said afterward.

The fact that my whole plan unfortunately ended up as a long process, lol tho knowing I could literally reach over THIS SECOND... It's so tough to feel the need to continue around for others. Likely some acting, some lying. Again, knowing, likely I won't/shouldn't try to freaking shoot myself in my home. Too scared to "miss" enough to live. Lol even with 3in 00 buckshot already in my possession...

But I have clients to refer away. Spend time to try to hopefully make sure they don't even learn I ctb as long as I don't end up on the news. I've given family plenty of chance to connect. Mom and sis did hear enough of my mindset to end up fearing and simply staying away, I guess to protect themselves. And I'm still scared of wellness checking due to this plan of waiting some time. CAN'T have my ability to choose taken away... So yeah, I just end up freaking waiting, which I guess is why I'm here typing...

Thank you for taking the time to write this, I enjoyed reading it.
I admire you for holding on because you have something important to do. I wish I had something important enough as well, not to delay my exit, but to keep me living.
And as for "not wanting more has to be a problem", I sometimes wonder if people just project their own dissatisfaction onto others and they can't stand others being satisfied with what they have, because they themselves won't be if they were in that place.

 

[Terrible_Life]

I'll be catching the bus this month and I was wondering how is everyone planning on spending their last remaining days?
Are you going to tie up loose ends? Forgive those who wronged you? Apologise to the ones you wronged?
Or are you going to indulge in your favourite activites? Eat your favourite food? Do the things you'd always wanted to do?
Perhaps you're going to spend the last days with your loved ones? Or your pet?

Tell us your plans. Any and all answers are appreciated.

I spend them occupied by enormous inhuman terrible torture suffering from my mental pain. Its absolutely unbelievable I really thought at least on my final days/weeks i could make peace and calm down and one last time enjoy the things I once liked but no instead the amount of pain the the level of pain by my mental illnesses skyrocketed. But in the end this just motivates me even more and makes me happy to know that soon this horrible shit show will end forever finally

giving away my stuff

Wouldn't that be very suspicious I mean its even listed as one huge warning point when it comes to being suicidal people that at this point they probably made their decision. What if someone becomes so concerned that he might intervene?

When i die everyone from family can take what they want let em be happy with my air pods and some other little things i had. Maybe they'll like my air conditioner very practical thing

 

[kuroshimi]

I believe the same as the other days, nothing special.

 

[spiders.in.my.head]

I would probably try not to think about it for as long as i can, and when the time comes, i'd proofread my note before going. i'd probably make sure to tell my family that i love them, just in conversation, hopefully without raising suspicion.

 

[Claymore7274]

I believe the same as the other days, nothing special.

Saaame, i don't like breaking the routine, last attempt i didn't leave a note, no nothing. just lived my normal day until the time came

 

[littlecutecorpse]

i'll try to make my days a peaceful one (though my method may not be the most peaceful). just finalize my plans, say my final goodbyes, and get comfy in my room before i tie the noose on my neck and kick off the ladder. gonna leave a note out with whatever i write in it. i also plan on taking some sleeping pills beforehand. my date's coming in ~2 weeks, so i'm glad i finally won't have to suffer in this world for much longer

 

[bananaolympus]

I really don't like to set a date i think is the main cause of si, i live everyday waking up and asking myself if today is the day i only won't do it in a special day like christmass or someone birthday that are closer to me, it really hurts so much to know that im loved, my mom had a heart attack when she knew the news of my critical condition, my siblings look up to me even though they are far more successful im puzzled by that, my dad is one those stoic show no feelings man and he broke down, i would like to exchange my lifespan to somebody who is dying but wants to live

 

[HalfLife]

I'll be catching the bus this month and I was wondering how is everyone planning on spending their last remaining days?
Are you going to tie up loose ends? Forgive those who wronged you? Apologise to the ones you wronged?
Or are you going to indulge in your favourite activites? Eat your favourite food? Do the things you'd always wanted to do?
Perhaps you're going to spend the last days with your loved ones? Or your pet?

Tell us your plans. Any and all answers are appreciated.

Preferably rent out a small property (cheaper than motels here) for say a 1-2 night window. Anything near woodlands.

Take a day to hike/explore the area, Not focused on XY or Z just in the moment for a slight peace.

Huge last meal (undecided) & plenty of weed that evening, Light breakfast the next morning.

If it's decided the next day, Then i'll be sure to shower + wear a heavy bit of cologne to try and keep "that" scent from being so loud, although discovery would be within 6-8 hours approximately. If not, Then it was a nice vacation either way.

That's how i think about it anyways.

 

[itsgone2]

Nothing. Many things I used to enjoy. Reading, podcasts, hiking/rucking, exercise, trying to better understand the bible, doing things with my daughter. I think of a restaurant that was always special to my family, before the divorce. Even afterwards my daughter and I would go there a lot. All of these things are gone now. My cat is so friendly and lovable. Not sure where she'll go.
And what does it matter because I've been too cowardly to do this for so long, why now? I want to now more than ever but it's seemingly still not enough. I'd give anything for the extremes: a second chance, or a button to end it all.