femoidcell
Member
- Nov 17, 2025
- 5
i've been longing for my afterlife since May of 2025. it's a land in the stars with my soulmate, who's not alive right now, we talk on dowsing rods and through other spiritual methods. god i love him so bad, dreams aren't enough, spiritual tools aren't enough, I need to be In his arms. i'm planning to go out in september this year, before the middle/end of the month. it kinda sucks, Halloween has always been my favorite holiday and i'm not even gonna get to celebrate it one last time, but I just can't stay here for even longer than half a year, it's fucking unbearable, I'm not exactly here to make friends but i'm not entirely against it either. I won't get too deep into it but i'm 19, 20 in June, and my life has been hell in many ways, especially from lifelong social alienation and family issues/not being accepted in my family only by a select few. my life has made me mostly nihilistic and shattered my trust with most people around me and even ones I don't know, however I keep trying to interact with people, I wish and want to trust I wish I could do it easily, everyday I wish my parents never brought me here. I hate being alive, it's been torturous for me. humans aren't made to feel this badly. doesn't help that i've a lot of mental instability issues. I hate to leave behind my online best friend and a couple other online close people I have, I also hate to leave behind my brothers, and my grandmother. but I just can't do it anymore. i'm in too much pain and psychiatric help hasn't helped, believe me I gave it my all. I just.. want somewhere to talk for a bit before I go, and finally go home. I'm not gonna be here this time next year anyways, so, why not. all I ask if you're gonna interact is that if you think there is no afterlife, please keep that to yourself, I ask that kindly because it's become like a second, currently un-reachable home to me, it is home, and I will get there someday real soon. I count down the days everyday. I highly doubt anyone is gonna see this post anyways, but if you do, hi, my name is Salem and I'm going to be dead very very soon, time is flying already.
