darkenmydoorstep
Not Waving But Browned Off….
- Sep 27, 2023
- 623
I'm on holiday with my son and my mum and all I can think about is dying. It's so messed up.
My friend died of cancer and it's awful I couldn't have taken her place. She wanted to live and was 'good at living'. I've started to think it's a skill.
I love someone who doesn't love me back and it's excruciatingly painful. I wish I'd never known him t all now because he lifted me so very high only to drop me. Sometimes comes back for a little more. I feel like a tortured mouse and he a cat.
Nothing brings me joy anymore. I feel like a dead tree with others making their home in me whilst I rot. (As well as a tortured mouse!)
Every day I just hear the voices "you need to die" and I know I do…..there's just no peace……but j just can't bring myself to administer it because of fear I'll mess it up
and it will hurt.
I just feel like I'm sitting it out, life, like a shit TV show, flu, rain…..
Just rambling - again - but because of the shitty laws that don't permit peaceful endings for those who want it, rambling is all I have…..
My friend died of cancer and it's awful I couldn't have taken her place. She wanted to live and was 'good at living'. I've started to think it's a skill.
I love someone who doesn't love me back and it's excruciatingly painful. I wish I'd never known him t all now because he lifted me so very high only to drop me. Sometimes comes back for a little more. I feel like a tortured mouse and he a cat.
Nothing brings me joy anymore. I feel like a dead tree with others making their home in me whilst I rot. (As well as a tortured mouse!)
Every day I just hear the voices "you need to die" and I know I do…..there's just no peace……but j just can't bring myself to administer it because of fear I'll mess it up
and it will hurt.
I just feel like I'm sitting it out, life, like a shit TV show, flu, rain…..
Just rambling - again - but because of the shitty laws that don't permit peaceful endings for those who want it, rambling is all I have…..
