tretion
i have a restraining order from god atp
- Aug 28, 2025
- 83
i wanted to post a little more about myself before i do this tomorrow, i think it would make my younger self happy (the posting about myself not the suicide she would hate me if she saw this)
as a kid i wanted to be famous, from a young age i would practice dancing and singing, in my eyes i was amazing in my parents eyes i was the biggest annoyance of their life haha
i went to public school up til the age of 9, then i got homeschooled, at the time the reasoning was for "safety" turns out that was a lie and my own father viewed his 9yo daughter as a future whore.
i never did anything though.
i couldnt tell you a single thing i learned from being homeschooled, can tell you what the days were like though, was constant arguments, i would lock myself in my room and self harm from the ages of 9-14, i wanted out that house, i was choked, spit at, disrespected constantly, cussed at and they made sure i knew i was the bane of their existence.
just so you guys get an idea of how behind in education i was, i didnt know what sex was til 14/15, i could barley do math, i have no education in science couldnt tell u a thing, i later learned thru online friends that i was really fucking stupid
during this i struggled with what i assume is ocd, religious ocd dare i say, i walked into a church and the first thing i saw was everyone decapitated holding their own heads, i remember being scared and crying myself to sleep at night over stuff like this, i was also convinced someone would come into my house and kill everyone, i would cry myself to sleep with panic attacks almost every night, i took it as god warning me what was gonna happen.
my parents didnt take this seriously and i was convinced i was going to hell, so much so at 9 years old i convinced myself i had to die before 12, and that starts my first of many suicide attempts.
all my life i struggled with a medical issue nobody really knew, i threw up, every day, i couldnt hold down food, and when i brought it up finally they accused me of lying so it took so long for me to get the help i needed
anyways
i used to pray to god every night to take my life, i have gave god enough time, tomorrow august 30th, at 19 years old im finally doing what i should of done a long time ago and ending my life.
thank you for reading if you did and i wish you all the best, ive been here for a day but i have already talked to so many amazing people and i genuinely love and appreciate you all, i have cried reading some yalls stories
as a kid i wanted to be famous, from a young age i would practice dancing and singing, in my eyes i was amazing in my parents eyes i was the biggest annoyance of their life haha
i went to public school up til the age of 9, then i got homeschooled, at the time the reasoning was for "safety" turns out that was a lie and my own father viewed his 9yo daughter as a future whore.
i never did anything though.
i couldnt tell you a single thing i learned from being homeschooled, can tell you what the days were like though, was constant arguments, i would lock myself in my room and self harm from the ages of 9-14, i wanted out that house, i was choked, spit at, disrespected constantly, cussed at and they made sure i knew i was the bane of their existence.
just so you guys get an idea of how behind in education i was, i didnt know what sex was til 14/15, i could barley do math, i have no education in science couldnt tell u a thing, i later learned thru online friends that i was really fucking stupid
during this i struggled with what i assume is ocd, religious ocd dare i say, i walked into a church and the first thing i saw was everyone decapitated holding their own heads, i remember being scared and crying myself to sleep at night over stuff like this, i was also convinced someone would come into my house and kill everyone, i would cry myself to sleep with panic attacks almost every night, i took it as god warning me what was gonna happen.
my parents didnt take this seriously and i was convinced i was going to hell, so much so at 9 years old i convinced myself i had to die before 12, and that starts my first of many suicide attempts.
all my life i struggled with a medical issue nobody really knew, i threw up, every day, i couldnt hold down food, and when i brought it up finally they accused me of lying so it took so long for me to get the help i needed
anyways
i used to pray to god every night to take my life, i have gave god enough time, tomorrow august 30th, at 19 years old im finally doing what i should of done a long time ago and ending my life.
thank you for reading if you did and i wish you all the best, ive been here for a day but i have already talked to so many amazing people and i genuinely love and appreciate you all, i have cried reading some yalls stories
