Help with Si, nethods or pacts

[jaroz]

Im heavily medicated for bipolar and borderline personality disorder,

I lost my family when I was young, and being psychotic ive lost even my closest childhood friends, and with how severe it is, i have a hard time maintaining even blue collar work

Because of my meds, chemically I feel happy, but i know how deeply unhappy I am. I'm tired of chugging and mixing and maxing medications pretending like everything's fine. I'm ready to go, I have no desire for money, success, a family. Nothing, I'm just ready to rest

I am having troubles getting past my SI. If anyone has advice or would like to make a pact, that would be great, thank you