NSFW hedonism before ctb

[hotelandrea]

(tagging nsfw for mentions of SH. no graphic descriptions)

now knowing that i have a set date and method, i have been living extra vivaciously. i'm not doing "bucket list" types of things, but nicotine, alcohol, sex, and junk food? hell yeah.

i'm not denying myself any pleasures, to a certain extent of course. i still want to make sure i leave my roommates some money for bills and don't want to raise any alarms by appearing to be impulsive and reckless with my money. but these little things here and there? absolutely.

it's not like it's giving me a zest for life or changing my mind whatsoever, but now that the consequences don't matter, it's nice to indulge. i'm even trying new methods of self harm to help cope while i'm waiting for my date. it's nothing extreme- nothing that could put me in the hospital prematurely, just things that come with the "fuck it" attitude. if you're the type that's morbidly curious, i'm happy to discuss in PMs, i just don't want to inadvertently encourage someone to harm themselves.

anyway, anyone else currently in the same position, or maybe had that mindset before previous attempts? what are some things you've indulged in without worrying about the long term effects?

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

Living vicariously through who?
Glad you're not denying yourself anything .

 

[hotelandrea]

Living vicariously through who?
Glad you're not denying yourself anything .

lol, wrong "V" word, vivaciously is probably more accurate. however, whenever someone in my life poses a question along the lines of "should i do this (experience, event, social gathering, etc)" i always give them an enthusiastic yes, so i suppose that's a bit vicarious as well!

 

[pax420]

I lived my whole life life not denying myself anything. I think that's half of what's wrong with me now. I wasn't a sex addict by any means I loved it but I was with the same woman for 26 years and never strayed. One thing I'm proud of. Now she's gone and I'm too old to start over my bus should be leaving in a couple.months and I plan on keeping doing whatever I want. I do take a lot more risks than I used to. Pretty much knowing my expiration date is kind of mentally "freeing" I guess you could call it. Im not really depressed but Im just ready to move on. And I'm so tired of hurting physically. My last night is a good dinner a good concert and a good movie. The movie is rocky horror picture show. That's the most hedonism I'll have my last night I want to be clear headed