Venting Having to "get better" just so I can end my life

[whybother2002]

Anyone else under an intense suicide watch and finding themselves having to "get better" to ctb? Everything is so tiring.

I have no available method. The only thing in my mind is jumping with a sharp knife pointed to my chest — the fall wouldn't normally kill me. This is hell.

 

[Irisse]

Me. I need to be in college and try hard in order to hide it from my family. In the meantime, I'm looking for ways to acquire SN. I'm pretending to get better in order to be away from them where I can pass away peacefully.

 

[YourLocalSadGirly]

Yep that's pretty much me right now. My parents keep taking time off work or working from home so they can keep an eye on me.I wasn't even able to go out and buy razors to cut today because my dad was home :/.

 

[Ashes of a Dreamer]

Me too. Thought that being honest about wanting to die would be enough for people to support my decision; it's not, and I was naive. So I'm not talking about it anymore, and planning everything on my own.

 

[venerated-vader]

yeahhh. for me it was less about being under watch and more about being unable to access the means unless I was collected enough to not arouse suspicion. but when i felt well enough to do that, i wasn't in the mood to touch the idea of ctb. when i'd get depressed again, it was too depressed.

 

[Alex_Was_Here]

I think I will be under watch if I keep going to my appointments, but I'm just in a really weird spot; because I actually do want to get better, but it's because I really want to feel okay when I do ctb. I wanna feel okay, because I know I'll be okay with it when the time comes.