It's surprising, even though it may seem like something common, I can't help but be surprised every time I visit this forum, I find people with whom I identify perfectly, all of us here have suffered and we can understand what it feels like but still in some cases it's as if I were the one writing some posts, I understand you perfectly, whatever our events that brought us here, we have something in common, what you have described is exactly the same feeling I'm going through. 2018 was the last year I got to be happy and like you, I'm already far from that point too.
Wherever you are, I want to send you all my support and a big hug with all my strength from a distance, I know it's not much but I hope that with this detail at least it serves as comfort to deal with the day and much encouragement and luck whatever path you choose, take care my friend and I hope you have a good day or at least a decent one depending on your situation
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Peace
