Venting Hate and pain and nothing more

[rotten]

Two days ago she was at it again. First it started with her storming out of the shower yelling about everything and anything. Then she threatened to punch me in the face if I didn't vacuum the floor correctly. She then forced me and him to eat even though it's impossible to do so with that much stress. I threw most of the food away in napkins because I felt like vomiting. Afterwards I cleaned everything while she called me every name in the book. She compared me to my successful neighbor who's younger than me...i guess this will be a regular thing now. She called me a "filthy disgusting lazy Indian" (I'm part native american) She told me " you're no princess, you haven't been since you decided to cut your legs up". Then she accused me of being a lesbian and wanting to be a boy.....this isn't true....but still.....this isn't a good thing to be accused of in my household.....my sister has been threatened and disowned for being a lesbian.

There were many other things....so many that I can't remember them all. Either way...now I'm just expected to act like none of it happened. Nobody except her is allowed to show emotion. Even if I lost a pet, she's always discouraged me from crying or feeling the pain. And it certainly didn't work. Because now I live with so much hatred and pain inside of me. He isn't much help either. I always have to hear about how I'm a pussy or how I'm stupid. And I can't run to my boyfriend because I don't even think he cares.... My friend is the only one that doesn't make me feel insane. He's an angel I swear. Unfortunately I have a crush on him....I don't want to hurt him but I'm tired. If I had a reliable way to ctb... I'd go as soon as possible. I've lived like this for far too long. They shoot down every little thing that has given me hope. And they ridicule every detail about me that strikes a nerve. I live in fear of her hurting me. I don't even like to eat anymore because they've made me too uncomfortable to do so. I think I'm getting closer.

 

[nobodyspecial]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. This sounds like absolute hell. I wish there was something that could be done to get you out of that situation and take your pain away outside of ctb. I'm sure you've exhausted all those avenues, though. I hope you can find peace in some form soon.

 

[rotten]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. This sounds like absolute hell. I wish there was something that could be done to get you out of that situation and take your pain away outside of ctb. I'm sure you've exhausted all those avenues, though. I hope you can find peace in some form soon.

Thank you. Part of me wishes there's some other way but I haven't found one yet.

 

[FuneralCry]

People really can be so cruel and are capable of causing us a lot of pain, I'm sorry you have to go through that. Life can be such an awful thing. I wish you well.

 

[Alwaysbadtime]

I relate. I sometimes get harrassed when I am cleaning...I hate cleaning...Is this your parent? I wish you could be free of them and be happy. I wish this for me too...It's not going to happen for me. I'm sorry to hear...you sound like a nice person in a really shitty situation.

 

[Rhaiyne]

I'm so sorry you are going through this. You do not deserve this. I really hope you find a way out without the need to cbt. I really wish you the best.

 

[rotten]

I relate. I sometimes get harrassed when I am cleaning...I hate cleaning...Is this your parent? I wish you could be free of them and be happy. I wish this for me too...It's not going to happen for me. I'm sorry to hear...you sound like a nice person in a really shitty situation.

Yes it's my mom