Has anyone else experienced the trance-like state before a ctb attempt?

[peacecomingsoon]

Since my last attempt 2 years ago, I've often thought about this trance-like state I entered. It's something I think you must experience yourself to truly understand and I feel prepared to experience it once again before my next (hopefully successful!) ctb attempt coming up soon. This article I read especially described it well in a way that resonates with me: https://www.onenews.ph/inside-the-suicide-trance-a-survivor-s-account

It is described: 'A state wherein a person becomes trapped in a tight spiral of emotional pain, despair, and then emotional "deadness". Essentially, the mind becomes trapped in the never ending, looping idea of "I should die, I must die, I must die."

The writer describes his own experience with it as 'I felt like I was half-walking, half-floating in a separate reality. I took note of where I was going but I felt nothing. I was in a dream-like state. I felt no pain, no fear. Like there was nothing inside of me, except ice.'

His description especially resonates with me and I have never read it described so similarly to what I too experienced before my last attempt. It's fascinating really to me and I rarely see it spoken about. It's like when this state comes over, a veil comes down and covers your eyes and there is no way to pull it back up until you either perform your ctb action or wait for it to pass.

Truly like being in a separate reality, a dream, where the only way to resolve it and wake up is to die... In a way though, this state is one of the most peaceful I've felt in my life. I long for it to happen during my next attempt, to be truly certain and experience the feeling of soft bliss and peace, awaiting my departure, completely oblivious to all else around me listening to my last song.

How many others have experienced this?

 

[GodzillasBiggestFan]

i remember feeling very out of it and disconnected and dream like in the days before and on the actual day it was a very strange state like i never experienced. but a lot like how the qoute describes. it didnt feel real and i could not recognize my best friends face even when they were standing right next to me. it was so weird.

 

[prompt_critical]

This is the exact reason I went and submitted my advanced notice (DNR) at my GP today because when things are bad I find myself auto-preparing and attempting suicide without really being there and that's how things go wrong with the attempt.

 

[InevitableDeath]

You have to psych yourself up before going into battle. How do you think soldiers are able to kill? Applies both ways.

 

[gasforme]

I feel like this is my daily life for a few months I'm not myself anymore

 

[owarikigan]

i always thought this was just me dissociating, it's a pretty spot on description wasn't aware it was actually a phenomenon among the suicidal

 

[TomIsNotMyName]

Yes, I felt something similar days before my last attempt. I felt like in a dream, like I was spectating the world and myself