Venting Hanging by a thread

[Dead beat dad]

Hi friends.
As the title suggests I am hanging by a thread.
Twice in the last 2 days I've come close to spilling my guts to my partner and a close friend and I just couldn't do it.
I always thought the way out if this riddle was to talk with you loved ones, but I just can't.
I'm eaten up inside with some much anger and hate and sadness and emptiness.
My love is twisted. I feel so much pain, I'm such a forsaken coward. I am turning in to the thing I hate most.
I can't cry, I can't laugh, I don't have an ounce of courage or cowardice, I am nothing, I have nothing, I am eaten up inside.
I want to punch my reflection in to oblivion and burn what is left to ash.
I'm so sorry. I should have been the better man, the thing I'm supposed to hold dear with the deepest tenderness is nothing, I do not love, I do not hate. I am nothing, nothing, nothing.
The sick fucking joke in all this; tomorrow will be the same, I will do (ironically), nothing.
Peace friends, sincerely without a shred of anything other I wish peace for all
DeadBeatDad

 

[Boonks]

I feel exactly the same.....

 

[Kyrok]

I have discussed suicide with both my wife and best friend. My wife made an attempt a few years ago, btw, due to a health crisis.

It is too hard for her to discuss. My best friend, though, was great. We discussed why I'm so miserable with no pro-life b.s., denial, rejection, etc.. We've been friends for over 20yrs.

Talking with someone can be therapeutic, but it has to be the right someone. Personally, not best to discuss with one's partner as it could injure relationship.