Guilty and ashamed

[Elsie]

I want to die...

Today, I got caught cheating on exam and my face dropped. I wish I can just disappear forever! I'm the worst... Have depression, cry a lot, cheat on my exam, and now my mom will be disappointed. Sometimes I just wish I was not been born. I can't do anything special at all in my entire life. Not even good at sports. I'm always scared of ball. Trying to be helpful but only a burden... I really can't take this anymore

I already got the SN... Now I need to get my hands on meto. I hope my friends can get it for me. And kill myself at the end of Dec.

 

[astr4]

i'm sorry. i know how it feels to get caught doing something you know you weren't supposed to be doing. not quite the same but i remember the first time my mom caught me smoking weed. or that time my boss caught me asleep at my cubicle. it's so mortifying and you just want to disappear off the face of the planet. the shame can be so overwhelming.

but also i want you to know, hey, it was just an exam. i don't mean to say you're not allowed to feel awful; of course you are. but if this is the one morally questionable thing you have done in your life, wouldn't you say that's pretty good?

disappointing parents is awful. i know how it is in asian families too, the burden of shame. but hey you're not a drug addict like me

anyway, if you feel like you can't deal with your circumstances and you have to kill yourself, i 100% understand that. feelings are big and overwhelming and we can't always just "get over" how we're feeling. but i hope that this incident doesn't have to be the deciding factor, yknow?

wishing you all the best.

 

[NutOrat]

feelings are big and overwhelming and we can't always just "get over" how we're feeling. but i hope that this incident doesn't have to be the deciding factor, yknow?

Exactly. I know in the moment these events feel like catastrophes, but damn, I've failed plenty of exams, and I should've learned by like the 5th time that it's not so bad... yet every time it feels that way. But as cliche as that sounds, it really is just a feeling. It does subside, and when you look back, you might laugh out loud from how insignificant that was, not in a self-shaming way, but just like "wow, I really was taking this waaay to seriously, huh". I promise you, that's how it's going to feel, and letting this event tip you over the edge is not something you want to do, give yourself more respect.

P.S. I was also terrible at sports, especially anything with the ball. I think I have spatial coordination issues, because for the life of me I could NOT catch a ball, even if it was flying slowly right at me. Just missed it completely, or caught it with my face XDDD But somehow, I kept playing (I had to), and by high school, I was starting to do pretty ok. Still not as well as other kids, but infinitely better than I was before. I say this to give you hope that you CAN improve. You're not a burden, you don't owe anyone shit. Be kind to yourself .