Discussion guilt

[immolation]

I've felt so guilty lately about my suicidal ideation. Does anyone else feel like this? I literally never cared before, but something about recently is making me feel like a huge selfish asshole for wanting to die. I feel like a waste of life and resources for not getting it over with sooner. I just wish I never existed so I didn't have to go through this suicide bullshit. I'm making myself wait a few months so I know I really want it but it's so overwhelming sometimes. Occasionally a small moment makes me rethink but I'm always suicidal again by the next morning.

 

[orvreader]

I feel the same, and I still feel selfish sometimes, but ultimately we should be in control of at least one thing in our life, right? Being in control of our own death would be nice to have.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

The guilt is definitely about other people. I feel guilty for sticking my family with a messy apartment and the school/team with a high school wrestling season. I feel guilty over all my family invested in raising me.

But I'm sure I don't want to live on. I really can't, I cringe at everything. I'm scared of everything. I can't even go to the grocery store. Planning ahead beyond drive-thru meals seems like some impossible challenge.

I want to hang myself tonight but I know there's a 99.9% likelihood I just go to sleep and suffer through tomorrow too.

 

[maylurker]

yeah when i tried to open up to my close ones they said that im selfish for this

 

[Defenestration]

Guilty not about what i think but about if i die my parents and my sister

 

[Realog11]

I've felt so guilty lately about my suicidal ideation. Does anyone else feel like this? I literally never cared before, but something about recently is making me feel like a huge selfish asshole for wanting to die. I feel like a waste of life and resources for not getting it over with sooner. I just wish I never existed so I didn't have to go through this suicide bullshit. I'm making myself wait a few months so I know I really want it but it's so overwhelming sometimes. Occasionally a small moment makes me rethink but I'm always suicidal again by the next morning.

Yeah I feel so guilty and I become sad about it. Even eating I feel guilty about it or if I spend my money on myself

 

[itsgone2]

I can't even go to the grocery store. Planning ahead beyond drive-thru meals seems like some impossible challenge.

I'm doing this too. It's awful.

 

[GodzillasBiggestFan]

i feel this too, sometimes i see someone and all i can think is that they will miss me. it can be very hard not to think about.

I'm doing this too. It's awful.

i do that too i usually order on the app so i dont even have to talk to anyone at all. i dont know why i have such a hard time with cooking. i feel very guilty about it too because my friend tried to teach me to cook and it was all just a waste because i have no energy

 

[readytogo1959]

Long time lurker but I so feel this. I feel like such a selfish piece of shit for wanting to end my life. I'm starting the planning process (my chosen method I think will be SN but I'm still making sure that I plan this properly) but I feel like such a waste of oxygen in the interim and such a burden.
I'm glad to have found this community.

 

[subwayhcar]

I totally get what you mean. Sometimes I feel like if I could cut myself off from everybody I know, I wouldn't feel as selfish . Not existing seems way easier, then I wouldn't have to feel depressed at all, I wouldn't have to worry about being perceived as ungrateful for wanting to end my life. I'm sorry that you feel like this, it's really tough.