Venting Got the rope!

[braintorture]

In 20 mins I see my psychiatrist and I'll try one last time to get help. If it doesn't I'm catching the bus tomorrow or by Friday

I feel free!!!

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[twistedtransistor47]

I hope your meeting with the psychiatrist goes well!!

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Good luck! I hope all goes well at the psychiatrist.

 

[braintorture]

Meeting didn't go well I threw away my SIM card and bought a disposable one at the store right now

They can't do anything for me sadly
I'm going to probably go through wellness checks soon so I'm going to do it today or tomorrow.

I'm not going home today.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry you have to go through this.
I hope you find peace.

 

[braintorture]

Just listening to my favorite music for the last time. Feels sad you know. But at the same time, I'll finally have the peace I deserve.



I saw a homeless man on the street, give him my change for the bus of tonight, told him to pray for me to go to heaven if it exists.

I will donate the last remaining money I have to non profits that help the homeless and the poor before around an hour before I go.

I'm wondering if I should send my suicide note or not to my close ones or let them discover the news themselves.

My mom is about to trigger a wellness check if she doesn't get any sign of life by tonight - doesn't matter I threw my SIM card away and got a disposable one, I booked a night in a hotel room and tomorrow I'll find a spot and do it.

I plan on going somewhere in a parking and maybe use one of the cars height to attach the rope, hopefully I'll be doing it first try - full suspension.

 

[braintorture]

I arrived at the youth hostel and tonight will be my last unless the feds catch me if a wellness check is triggered (50% chance)

This might be my last night ever. I'm scared but I'm hyped.

I'm joining heaven!!

Wish me luck. Tomorrow morning I'll prepare the hanging. I got the rope prepared and I learned how to do the knot.

 

[braintorture]

One day.. tomorrow I hope… I'll fly just like the plane on my screen

One last night of sleep. If the feds dont bust my door of course.

My mom is probably trying to call and she will see I was dead serious when I told her that would be the last time she'll hear my voice.

I'm sorry for her, but I told her.

My friends dad that hosts me and pushed my last straw to die yesterday is going to have my death in his consciousness.

Guys - if there's a wellness checks and they're searching for me I might be fucked.

He should be waiting at the station and I wonder how stupid he'll be when he'll see I'm not appearing out of the bus!

I'll be on the run tomorrow and drive a random bus that goes as far away as I can and after that once I find a spot that looks good I'll drop and suicide.

Doing it here or nearby will get me found before I manage to act.

Guys - I'm genuinely scared. Knowing my mom and how everyone knows I'm suicidal around me I think there might be an extensive research to find me.

Since I basically fled and im not coming back tonight.

Im stressed but hopefully the cops won't take them seriously or be lacking enough but the last time I merely sent a suicide note they geo located my phone and sent cops and an ambulance in less than 1 hour…

Anyways. I'm scared but I have my courage. I bought some sweets for tomorrow. I'm ready.