NSFW Got my gun....

[ikadasui]

Thought I'd feel happy about this, but not in the slightest. I hate the sight of it... it makes nauseous holding it and I feel disgusting having it in my possession. I don't have the right ammo for it right now and honestly, I think I'll wait because I don't trust myself for fear of what I could do to myself or others with this fucking thing. Now, don't get me wrong I still want death, but I'm just I guess so defeated my life has meant so little to anyone and now I'm here. Ready to commit the most desperate act a human being can to themself, and in my moment of unfathomable despair someone else will be experiencing pure bliss at the very same time is fucking surreal... I'm sad that my "friends" won't give a fuck when I'm gone, hardly any of em want to talk to me anyway not that I blame them. I don't ever bring depressing weak shit when I'm socializing, but I'm just so abnormally fucking off that it's offputing for myself and them. I thought about it and if one of my friends died I'd be sad for awhile, but nothing in the grand scheme would change all that much and I'll be no fucking different. I'm sad I never got to know love or sex and I'll be going out a virgin loser. Hell! FF14 has a new patch tonight and my best friend of a few years would always go in at patch drop and do new content, I don't get to this tme because I have work in the morning... the same work that had me on the verge of tears today due to stress and humiliation. I'm expected to trade that meager fragment of joy in exchange to attend a place that gives me nothing but pain! This is my life and has been my life since as long as I can remember. Life is a curse and I am living in hell
Other crazy thing is it cost less than 2 therapy appointments for all of this lmao. 240 bucks for 2 therapy sessions and about 230 for gun and ammo! What a world
Update: Just did a dry fire test run at my head to see if I could pull the trigger and I didn't even hesitate. I feel nothing afterwards about it either aside from laughing before storing it away. With that I realize I am essentially the walking dead now it's all but over

 

[WilNord]

What caliber?

 

[Noctis]

What caliber?

And what kind of ammo? If you're using anything other than a shotgun, make sure you get hollow points. They'll make a bigger, messier hole, and drastically decrease the chance of going through you and into something else.

 

[Someone123]

Thought I'd feel happy about this, but not in the slightest. I hate the sight of it... it makes nauseous holding it and I feel disgusting having it in my possession. I don't have the right ammo for it right now and honestly, I think I'll wait because I don't trust myself for fear of what I could do to myself or others with this fucking thing. Now, don't get me wrong I still want death, but I'm just I guess so defeated my life has meant so little to anyone and now I'm here. Ready to commit the most desperate act a human being can to themself, and in my moment of unfathomable despair someone else will be experiencing pure bliss at the very same time is fucking surreal... I'm sad that my "friends" won't give a fuck when I'm gone, hardly any of em want to talk to me anyway not that I blame them. I don't ever bring depressing weak shit when I'm socializing, but I'm just so abnormally fucking off that it's offputing for myself and them. I thought about it and if one of my friends died I'd be sad for awhile, but nothing in the grand scheme would change all that much and I'll be no fucking different. I'm sad I never got to know love or sex and I'll be going out a virgin loser. Hell! FF14 has a new patch tonight and my best friend of a few years would always go in at patch drop and do new content, I don't get to this tme because I have work in the morning... the same work that had me on the verge of tears today due to stress and humiliation. I'm expected to trade that meager fragment of joy in exchange to attend a place that gives me nothing but pain! This is my life and has been my life since as long as I can remember. Life is a curse and I am living in hell
Other crazy thing is it cost less than 2 therapy appointments for all of this lmao. 240 bucks for 2 therapy sessions and about 230 for gun and ammo! What a world
Update: Just did a dry fire test run at my head to see if I could pull the trigger and I didn't even hesitate. I feel nothing afterwards about it either aside from laughing before storing it away. With that I realize I am essentially the walking dead now it's all but over

To me the scariest thing about this method is what happens if you survive? No matter what angle you use some people survive- people say if you hit the brainstem it will work for sure, but it is easy to aim for the brainstem and miss, and the recoil of the gun is one factor in this. You may want to look on youtube- they have interviews with many people who have survived gun suicide attempts. In researching methods it is always helpful to ask- what if it doesn't work? You could search on youtube by "interview survivor of gun suicide attempt". Best of luck in finding peace but please just make sure you know the risks of any method if you choose to try to ctb.

 

[DeutscheKartoffel]

Thought I'd feel happy about this, but not in the slightest. I hate the sight of it... it makes nauseous holding it and I feel disgusting having it in my possession. I don't have the right ammo for it right now and honestly, I think I'll wait because I don't trust myself for fear of what I could do to myself or others with this fucking thing. Now, don't get me wrong I still want death, but I'm just I guess so defeated my life has meant so little to anyone and now I'm here. Ready to commit the most desperate act a human being can to themself, and in my moment of unfathomable despair someone else will be experiencing pure bliss at the very same time is fucking surreal... I'm sad that my "friends" won't give a fuck when I'm gone, hardly any of em want to talk to me anyway not that I blame them. I don't ever bring depressing weak shit when I'm socializing, but I'm just so abnormally fucking off that it's offputing for myself and them. I thought about it and if one of my friends died I'd be sad for awhile, but nothing in the grand scheme would change all that much and I'll be no fucking different. I'm sad I never got to know love or sex and I'll be going out a virgin loser. Hell! FF14 has a new patch tonight and my best friend of a few years would always go in at patch drop and do new content, I don't get to this tme because I have work in the morning... the same work that had me on the verge of tears today due to stress and humiliation. I'm expected to trade that meager fragment of joy in exchange to attend a place that gives me nothing but pain! This is my life and has been my life since as long as I can remember. Life is a curse and I am living in hell
Other crazy thing is it cost less than 2 therapy appointments for all of this lmao. 240 bucks for 2 therapy sessions and about 230 for gun and ammo! What a world
Update: Just did a dry fire test run at my head to see if I could pull the trigger and I didn't even hesitate. I feel nothing afterwards about it either aside from laughing before storing it away. With that I realize I am essentially the walking dead now it's all but over

maybe it'll be good for you to change job/career,
and give it some time to find someone you are fond of,
it does sound like you are very young.

I am also surprised how cheap firearms are,
wish I was a citizen,
would go to a range for target shooting and take off some stress.

hope you feel better dude,
store the gun away at gun range if it makes you anxious/ feel worse.

don't give up on yourself man.

 

[FuneralCry]

It is a dreadful feeling when everyday just brings more pain. This life really is a nightmare. When the time is right for you to leave, I hope you find freedom from suffering.