Venting Got called a snowball?

[trying ungracefully]

I took the bus to go get coffee and it was a big deal because it was an exposure and I haven't taken the bus in a long time. On the way back though a guy stopped on his bike while I was waiting for the bus to tell me "you look like a snowball" and when I asked why he said "think about it." And I fucking hate it because he is getting what he wants and I can't stop thinking about it. It feels so insulting.

It just put a big hindrance in my exposure plans. I didn't do the two exposures I was supposed to do before group and then I really do not want to go out again.

Like one of my worst fears did happen, I was judged and insulted. My group therapist said that it's not about the fears never happening it's about dealing with them if they do happen but I don't know how to deal with it. It seems so small but it is really eating away at me because why the hell did that have to happen when I took the bus for the first time in forever.

Sometimes I really hate the general public and I wish no one would ever notice me.

 

[Black_Knight]

Nah don't be about that shit. As soon as he said "think about it" he put the onus on you to interpret his thoughts for him when he should be the one explaining them. If he was honest and acting in good faith, he would tell you what his thoughts were when you expressed confusion. From that, you can extrapolate that no matter how brainless and simple a technique it was, it was an act that was intended to manipulate you and force you to question your understanding/boundaries. At your expense, and (implicitly, because people like this thrive on reducing the confidence others have in order to overstep and extract resources [mental, physical, spiritual, whatever]) his benefit. People like that sense other people who are on shaky ground and instinctively activate, because for them it's a survival mechanism (and easy pickings).

The real answer is to simply disregard. It was an attack, not an act of real communication. You have to screen that out. You deserve your own mental space.

 

[mysticatedwine]

i know how this kind of things feel. being stuck in that grey area where you can't untangle a thought because you have nothing to work with. it's a nightmare and it's torment. there's nothing that can be done except venting about it, and trying your best to make that thought leave. you seem like a very sensible person, you shouldnt have to be the target of this kind of mean spirited comments

for whats it worth, i think snowballs are beautiful. and i think you are too

 

[trying ungracefully]

for whats it worth, i think snowballs are beautiful. and i think you are too

Thank you so much <3

 

[wheelsonthebus]

Nah don't be about that shit.

ooh TNG pfp hey

Yeah. Idk why it seems like when someone is doing something like an exposure, or is tripping, etc, the universe and general public are somehow just attracted to that vulnerable person and decide to fuck with them. I got screamed at while out riding a bike for the first time in a while (absolutely not doing anything wrong), and now I just cannot. I mentioned it to my psych and he dismissed it, and later I read on my record that he'd added "paranoid delusions," like that I'd imagined this lady yelling at me. Fairly certain I wasn't the one in an altered state during that interaction! Just remember that you're dealing with the only surviving human species and it's easy to conclude there's going to be something wrong with us. Fuck them. Respectable people interact with strangers to lift others up (or interfere when needed). I can't imagine feeling the need to insult someone that wasn't doing or saying anything harmful to me or another. Says everything about them, not you.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

Sorry this happened to you. I've noticed one of the problems with self-isolation and staying indoors/at home is that over time you lose a bit of what makes a person come off as natural. It can be that we start to dress differently, neglect ourselves, or just lose that sense of looseness that comes with regularly interacting with the world. This can make someone stand out and potentially become something of a target. As mentioned above, it's also as if others can pick up on this, whether it's nervousness on our part or just something of a different air that we give off.

But if you're still inclined to push through with exposure then I think you should try to. For people like me who have largely made peace with being at home it may be too late, but for most it's probably a good idea to try and stay plugged in to society. Just to feel more at ease and act organically around others, if nothing else. Good luck.

 

[Black_Knight]

ooh TNG pfp hey

Yeah. Idk why it seems like when someone is doing something like an exposure, or is tripping, etc, the universe and general public are somehow just attracted to that vulnerable person and decide to fuck with them. I got screamed at while out riding a bike for the first time in a while (absolutely not doing anything wrong), and now I just cannot. I mentioned it to my psych and he dismissed it, and later I read on my record that he'd added "paranoid delusions," like that I'd imagined this lady yelling at me. Fairly certain I wasn't the one in an altered state during that interaction! Just remember that you're dealing with the only surviving human species and it's easy to conclude there's going to be something wrong with us. Fuck them. Respectable people interact with strangers to lift others up (or interfere when needed). I can't imagine feeling the need to insult someone that wasn't doing or saying anything harmful to me or another. Says everything about them, not you.

Hell yeah, it's from Inner Light. Not my absolute favorite ep but one of the top ones! I literally feel like Picard in that episode sometimes. Maybe it's just wishful thinking.

Also not to go full schizo but I know what you mean. It's like as soon as you're even a little "out there" the world somehow seeks to equalize and rebalance by bringing you back down. And it preternaturally calls out to anyone receptive to make this happen. But it rebalances back to the shit state it's in right now, not a real balance. When you breach the way things are "supposed to be", people sense it, and I think that it presents them with an opportunity to expand out into the unknown. If they don't want to, they react with fear or animosity. When they do want to, though, you alter the course of their life in a very particular and peculiar way only you could have, and it doesn't have a guidebook to follow. Hence the fear.

 

[Manaaja]

I took the bus to go get coffee and it was a big deal because it was an exposure and I haven't taken the bus in a long time. On the way back though a guy stopped on his bike while I was waiting for the bus to tell me "you look like a snowball" and when I asked why he said "think about it." And I fucking hate it because he is getting what he wants and I can't stop thinking about it. It feels so insulting.

It just put a big hindrance in my exposure plans. I didn't do the two exposures I was supposed to do before group and then I really do not want to go out again.

Like one of my worst fears did happen, I was judged and insulted. My group therapist said that it's not about the fears never happening it's about dealing with them if they do happen but I don't know how to deal with it. It seems so small but it is really eating away at me because why the hell did that have to happen when I took the bus for the first time in forever.

Sometimes I really hate the general public and I wish no one would ever notice me.

Males who got sexually assaulted as babies often do that. Try not to see him as an adult male, but as a baby who was sexually assaulted. Someday he will heal and stop doing that, but it does require lots of reconstructive surgeries.

 

[trying ungracefully]

The urge to stay inside has grown stronger because of stupid people.

I was in the store, everything was fine and I was actually feeling more confident going around people when i got close. That was until the end where I started waiting in line. I got anxious the minute I got in line because a woman was in front of me off to the side (3-4 ft) by the other check out counter that's closed leaning against it. She was about to be next in line so I was preparing myself to ask. I was just looking at the candy display for a second to seem normal.

Spoiler: Line diagram

It made me anxious because I thought she would have a bad reaction and judge me. And guess what, SHE DID.

I asked "are you in line" in a normal way, not even monotonous. She then said "no, that would be weird wouldn't it be?" with a valley girl accent that had that meanness to it. Like stereotypical mean white girl voice.

WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO TO WARRANT THAT RESPONSE? SAY NO AND MOVE THE FUCK ON. She was right by the line it's better to ask than assume in my opinion. But no it's sooooo odd for me to ask that question. This is the stuff that makes me start feeling paranoid and delusional because it's so weird there is no explanation. Snowball incident and then this in the same month? I wish people would just leave me alone.