MiMif
I do not live for others to understand me...
- Sep 13, 2023
- 628
Its funny. I've been trying for years for my dreams and passions and always failing.
In July I randomly and yes randomly I just saw them , took 70 600mg ibuprofen pills and a few handfuls of acetaminophen. I weigh around 50kg. It wasn't a planned attempt. I actually didn't even think the pills had a chance of killing me I just pop pills from time to time to make me feel like shit cause I hate myself.
But then I started feeling a bit bad and looked it up and realized I could die. When I found that out I felt scared for about maybe two seconds but then felt so much joy. I didnt even leave a note and wasn't even thinking of any of my dreams or passions. I didn't have a celebratory feast or write any good bye notes. I just took the pills listlessly scrolled TikTok and simply went to bed. I could've died and it was so...peaceful. the thought of it and how easy it was when I took the pills and found out I was dying slowly was so amazing it was really that easy.
Unfortunately like the fucking loser I am I woke up due to throwing up and I was at my parents at the time and I don't remember clearly cause everything hurt and I felt like my brain would explode but I had apparently ran out of my room to my parents. I ended up in the hospital for around 20 days and they threw me in a mental hospital for a week. But before I woke up there was such a calmness.
I Made a post saying I'd give myself till September 13 to decide but I'm pretty sure I already have. I want to feel that peace again but this time I'll say my goodbyes and finally let out the feelings I have had towards my family. Though I feel a little guilty but honestly half of this...well maybe not half but at least 20% of the reason I feel like this is because of them. I can't wait to catch the bus.
My dreams were never worth shit....I know that cause after all these years I still can't bring myself to really try towards them
In July I randomly and yes randomly I just saw them , took 70 600mg ibuprofen pills and a few handfuls of acetaminophen. I weigh around 50kg. It wasn't a planned attempt. I actually didn't even think the pills had a chance of killing me I just pop pills from time to time to make me feel like shit cause I hate myself.
But then I started feeling a bit bad and looked it up and realized I could die. When I found that out I felt scared for about maybe two seconds but then felt so much joy. I didnt even leave a note and wasn't even thinking of any of my dreams or passions. I didn't have a celebratory feast or write any good bye notes. I just took the pills listlessly scrolled TikTok and simply went to bed. I could've died and it was so...peaceful. the thought of it and how easy it was when I took the pills and found out I was dying slowly was so amazing it was really that easy.
Unfortunately like the fucking loser I am I woke up due to throwing up and I was at my parents at the time and I don't remember clearly cause everything hurt and I felt like my brain would explode but I had apparently ran out of my room to my parents. I ended up in the hospital for around 20 days and they threw me in a mental hospital for a week. But before I woke up there was such a calmness.
I Made a post saying I'd give myself till September 13 to decide but I'm pretty sure I already have. I want to feel that peace again but this time I'll say my goodbyes and finally let out the feelings I have had towards my family. Though I feel a little guilty but honestly half of this...well maybe not half but at least 20% of the reason I feel like this is because of them. I can't wait to catch the bus.
My dreams were never worth shit....I know that cause after all these years I still can't bring myself to really try towards them
