Discussion Gas? One year Goodbye

[LittleJem]

I just had a big rant at the Samaritans about how no-one is respecting my wanting to die. So I've decided again, I will respect it. I am calling this year my Year of Goodbye and will tell my family and friends that I will tolerate just one more year of suffering and seeking relief. During this year, I will say a goodbye to this world. Then the following year I will ctb.

On the note of CTB, I have Amitryptiline cocktail, but today spent hours fantasing about gas.

What is the best way to gas yourself with no technical ability? Or is this also one for Partner's thread?!

 

[TAW122]

I'm sorry that things are sucky for you and the Samaritans are no better than the other hotlines. In fact, I wouldn't even consider calling any hotline for the risk of intervention (if or should they believe you are in imminent risk of harm to self/others). As for gas, I'd look into Nitrogen (N₂) as an inert gas or CO (Carbon Monoxide, not dioxide - there is a BIG difference between the two, the former will cause you to lose conscious peacefully while the latter will trigger your SI and make you very uncomfortable.). If going via the CO method, then I would suggest getting charcoal and burning it until it only gives off CO, then go into a secluded place (where the CO gas won't escape) to do so. Be aware that if you are doing it in a building shared by others, it's possible for collateral damage unless you took precautionary measures ahead of time (warning signs, notes, and sealing off the room so that no CO escapes).

 

[Jean4]

Stick here and talk to us. You know we love you and understand.

 

[LittleJem]

Thank you. I don't want to physically hurt anyone else when I go. I also don't have a car - so for CO I think my option is a tent, but don't know how to ensure that works. Nitrogen option always sounds very technical to me?

@Jean4 I can't find the right words to thank you for all the love and support you give on this forum.

I definitely want to see an end date for this suffering though. I tried new drugs today, they didn't help. Have more I'm getting tomorrow. I spent hours fantasing about being gassed and having my throat slit. No point to this xx

 

[Jean4]

Thank you. I don't want to physically hurt anyone else when I go. I also don't have a car - so for CO I think my option is a tent, but don't know how to ensure that works. Nitrogen option always sounds very technical to me?

@Jean4 I can't find the right words to thank you for all the love and support you give on this forum.

I definitely want to see an end date for this suffering though. I tried new drugs today, they didn't help. Have more I'm getting tomorrow. I spent hours fantasing about being gassed and having my throat slit. No point to this xx

What kind of drugs?

 

[LittleJem]

I'm currently on 250mg Lithium Carbonate. Which I know is low. It's taken me from writing my will and goodbye letters, to just a general sense of life having no meaning. Which is an improvement, but I still want it over. I know it's just day 4 or something of LC. But really, I'm just not enjoying anything. I have had no energy today till around 7.30pm, I slept till 2pm, then forced myself up to go and get Botox! As it has some reviews for depression.

New drugs were PEA Phenylalanine - and Selegiline. PEA is known as the "love drug" and is a neurotransmitter. I was told it would be like MDMA, but actually for me it was a rush to the head for about 20 minutes, during which I felt a little like my brain was on fire and I cried. It wasn't horrible, but it wasn't beautiful. Then a bit more calm for maybe 30 mins or an hour. Then nothing. So I took it twice yesterday, and nevertheless was not able to get off the sofa till around 4pm.

What next to try - who knows! I have just read about Chromium and also the other form of PEA which is a natural cannaboid.

As lots of us are, tired of being tired! I don't want to complain, I knwo I am luckier than so many. I just do not want this life anymore. I am enduring it yet I don't see a point in it.

xxx

 

[Jean4]

I'm currently on 250mg Lithium Carbonate. Which I know is low. It's taken me from writing my will and goodbye letters, to just a general sense of life having no meaning. Which is an improvement, but I still want it over. I know it's just day 4 or something of LC. But really, I'm just not enjoying anything. I have had no energy today till around 7.30pm, I slept till 2pm, then forced myself up to go and get Botox! As it has some reviews for depression.

New drugs were PEA Phenylalanine - and Selegiline. PEA is known as the "love drug" and is a neurotransmitter. I was told it would be like MDMA, but actually for me it was a rush to the head for about 20 minutes, during which I felt a little like my brain was on fire and I cried. It wasn't horrible, but it wasn't beautiful. Then a bit more calm for maybe 30 mins or an hour. Then nothing. So I took it twice yesterday, and nevertheless was not able to get off the sofa till around 4pm.

What next to try - who knows! I have just read about Chromium and also the other form of PEA which is a natural cannaboid.

As lots of us are, tired of being tired! I don't want to complain, I knwo I am luckier than so many. I just do not want this life anymore. I am enduring it yet I don't see a point in it.

xxx

Medical Marijuana. My go to with Wellbutrin. Couldn't function without it.

 

[LittleJem]

ps PEA and Selegiline has some research on it being used consistently for longer - to achieve remission. I haven't tested it for that long as yet.
I do have MJ sometimes. Just I worry it makes me worse the next day. It's good for me for about a once a week day off x