Discussion friends or the lack thereof

[ambivalent_thespian]

Something I've noticed a lot of people saying, both on here and in the world at large, is that it's hard to make friends, especially nowadays. I'd like to hear some differing perspectives on this because I don't have first hand experience on the matter.

Is it moreso like

1. Having peers in your life but not emotionally connecting with them or feeling safe to be open with them
2. Not having opportunities to connect with people.
3. Social Anxiety
4. Being generally introverted/ being a loner by choice.

I'm not trying to shame anyone or say that you should change anything. I'm just curious on people's thoughts on the subject.

 

[astroproto]

I'd say 3 (social anxiety) for me and also kind of 4? I'm introverted by nature but only a loner because of the other factors. I think the biggest one is that I'm really fucking boring.

The only time I ever really had friends was in high school because two people somehow thought I was worth approaching. Few of the times I initiated interactions in the hopes of making friends, they didn't really end up going anywhere. I think I'm way too weird by society's standards (not because I think so, I just know) and at this point, too immature for my peers (I'm 23 and haven't had any practical life experience while everyone else is already a professional). I think I just don't know how to make friends without it forming from an organic interaction that I didn't initiate.

A lot of times I do want to have friends but then unless you actually vibe with each other, it all feels so artificial, what with the niceties and everything and I really hate it when people put an obvious facade just to be polite. I also don't really have anything interesting going on with me and common interests (music, movies, etc.) outside of hobbies (which I have none) can only go so far as talking points especially as someone who can't even articulate the details of why he likes/dislikes something. Then there's also the fact that I have really bad social skills and can't keep up a conversation because I don't know how to respond to a lot of things, sometimes I just end up worrying about right thing to say. A lot of the times, I also just feel so drained to even respond and things fall off.

All of the above pretty much keeps me from ever initiating something because I'm just generally anxious about doing it right and I tend to overthink how the other party feels.

It's awful because I've met some cool people I want to be friends with but then I realize they're like out of my league or remember that I'm me.

 

[gayboy300]

1/3/4 for me

1. I have a few people that I talk to when we're in the same environment but I don't really consider that friendship. Whenever I've tried to arrange something outside of that environment I get blown off or ignored :/

3. I have had social anxiety since I was 11 or 12. It's gotten better in recent years but I still dread going up to people first and introducing myself. My brain tells me that people hate me or are annoyed by me so I'd rather not reach out to people if it's been a while since we've last talked for whatever reason.

4. I don't really know if you can say by choice in my case. It's more so like I don't have a choice but to be content with being a loner. I can't force people to be friends with me so I gave up and learned to be okay by myself

 

[AstralMadness]

I have good friends, I don't even know how I got them but I do and I appreciate them, I just never open up to them because I don't want to burden them and feel like nobody understands my experience in life

 

[Forever Sleep]

For me, it's become something else more cynical really. I had friends. Even a best friend. But, the pain of losing them- either via death, moving miles away from one another, lives becoming busy or very different, was almost heart breaking at times. I ended up coming to the conclusion that faith in friendship and people wasn't worth the risk of the loss of then losing them.

I do have people I consider friends. Whom I still care about but, the feelings are much looser now. I try not to depend on others.

I wasn't one for a wide circle of friends though. More, a few special ones. For me though- it was simply that I only really clicked with a few people. Most of the time, they were creative too. And, that common interest was central to our lives. We also tended to understand one another's specific anxieties around it- which must look crazy to other people! I think that was often it in a way for me. The people I'm closest to tend to worry about similar things. So, we're better able to empathise with each other I suppose. Maybe that's what we also needed the most from each other- understanding and reassurance.