I don't know if I should post to this thread - can delete this - technically bi but it's just been rare that I'm attracted to someone. Also a series of people became manipulative, coercive and harassing to me, which ruined a lot of future experiences too with constant anxiety and hypervigilance.
But even on the occasions when I felt physically attracted to people AND safe pursuing something with them - the need for nonsexual intimacy was still so so so much LOUDER. At this point I feel I'd rather end my life than have sex with people again, but also I worry that I'll get so worn down that I'll let it happen. It was nice to have someone with me when I woke up in the mornings, it was nice to be able to hear other people breathing. I know that, besides ace-spectrum people, there are also people who do poly/open relationships so we could maybe be compatible because they could fulfill their other wants with other partners, and people who form monogamous relationships where they're fine with their partners being platonically affectionate with other people, and so on.... but I don't feel a lot of hope. One of the things that makes me feel most like jumping off the edge is the fear that I'll put myself in more damaging situations just so that I'm not alone.