feeling selfish

[jellyfish11]

i tell myself a lot that nobody cares about me and nobody will bat an eye when i ctb. part of me knows that's not true and just wants to get it over with but i also can't stop thinking about how much pain or confusion i might cause for relatives and the few friends that i do have. i feel so selfish to even consider taking my own life when i know others who are probably suffering just as much. maybe i'm just so sensitive that i can't handle myself like everyone else and so i've chosen the way out. i suppose what i'm trying to say is that choosing to ctb instead of persevere places this unbearable weight of selfishness and ignorance upon me that will burden everyone else in my life once i'm gone.

 

[Deepdense]

What makes you feel uncared for if you don't mind me asking?

 

[jellyfish11]

i always feel like i am too much for the people around me. i am autistic with adhd, a lot of the time i don't understand jokes or don't pick up on social cues and this ends in me losing friends a lot of times. i can also be clingy with the few people i am close too... it feels like i am overloading them and sometimes it just looks to me like they don't want anything to do with my nonsense anymore. i end up isolating myself when this feeling gets bad and nobody ever makes an effort to reach out or see how im doing... i know i am probably being dramatic about this, but the feeling that nobody cares for me is always lingering in my head.

What makes you feel uncared for if you don't mind me asking?

 

[gooblet]

I don't know exactly how to put this into words so i apologise in advanced: I know how selfish people may feel wanting to ctb, I get that. While it seems that no one may care if you pass just know that I do. It can be hard to not feel guilty for an action such as taking your life; that is completely natural. While you feel that no one would care if you die, just know that while your thoughts may make you feel isolated and alone in this cruel world, There is always someone who would care, even if you don't think so. I hope that everyone on this forum cares about you and I hope that you find the love and care that you deserve. Wishing you the best no matter what.

 

[Deepdense]

i always feel like i am too much for the people around me. i am autistic with adhd, a lot of the time i don't understand jokes or don't pick up on social cues and this ends in me losing friends a lot of times. i can also be clingy with the few people i am close too... it feels like i am overloading them and sometimes it just looks to me like they don't want anything to do with my nonsense anymore. i end up isolating myself when this feeling gets bad and nobody ever makes an effort to reach out or see how im doing... i know i am probably being dramatic about this, but the feeling that nobody cares for me is always lingering in my head.

People can be really shitty, but the side they show you isn't always who they are. I'm not very much into socializing, but what I do know is that people can feel over loaded with information very quickly. Tell them what you need them to know over a periods of time. If you're willing to be patient, you can find someone who will be patient with you.

 

[jellyfish11]

People can be really shitty, but the side they show you isn't always who they are. I'm not very much into socializing, but what I do know is that people can feel over loaded with information very quickly. Tell them what you need them to know over a periods of time. If you're willing to be patient, you can find someone who will be patient with you.

thank you for the advice… honestly not sure if i will even have the courage to find someone before my ctb date next november but i appreciate your words

 

[Deepdense]

thank you for the advice… honestly not sure if i will even have the courage to find someone before my ctb date next november but i appreciate your words

I hope you don't have to do it in the end but I understand why you would. Good luck with whatever choice you decide is right.