Feeling 'less valid' because I've never attempted

[xhelx]

I know I shouldn't feel like this but I cant help it. I've never thought this way about anyone else, I just love hating on myself. I dont even have a method ready yet, I feel like I'm only faking it for attention (from who??). I know that if I did attempt, I'd hate myself for failing. Still can't help it but feel somewhat inferior to everyone who has already planned everything or attempted already

 

[imtiredasf]

I know I shouldn't feel like this but I cant help it. I've never thought this way about anyone else, I just love hating on myself. I dont even have a method ready yet, I feel like I'm only faking it for attention (from who??). I know that if I did attempt, I'd hate myself for failing. Still can't help it but feel somewhat inferior to everyone who has already planned everything or attempted already

Not actively trying to ctb doesn't make your emotions and feelings towards yourself any less intense. It's not a competition!

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

Similar feelings here. Outwardly I basically appear to have a "normal" life, but I read so many people here who literally can't get out of bed. Or who tell us they are about to ctb and then are never heard from again. I'm circling the drain but I usually feel like I can't leave because a few people depend on me, but that sounds hollow compared to what others here are dealing with.

 

[SchizoGymnast]

I have never attempted and honestly, I probably never will. I joke that I'm like a cockroach. No matter how low down I may be, I could survive a nuclear bomb. But the idea that I can always ctb if things get too rough gives me the courage to keep going.

 

[JesiBel]

It's better to have one successful attempt than many failed ones. Everyone will know when it's their time. Don't despair; you're no less than everyone else who's attempted~

 

[Permanoir]

I wish I had never attempted suicide, because it meant my family found out I was suicidal. But at the same time, I know those previous attempts were necessary because back then, I was naive and didn't even realize I was experiencing SI or what it was. Each attempt taught me something important about myself. And honestly, every time one fails, it feels like a part of me dies with it, and maybe by the time the final day comes, there won't be much left to take.

 

[VoidButterfly]

It's interesting, I feel less valid because I have attempted. If I was more serious about it then surely one of the two attempts would be successful? I'm so scared that attempt 3 won't work and I'll become one of those people who give talks on how they're an expert in suicide because they have ten attempts and were never serious enough about it to figure out why they were failing after the first one.

 

[onmywaytothebusstop]

I know I shouldn't feel like this but I cant help it. I've never thought this way about anyone else, I just love hating on myself. I dont even have a method ready yet, I feel like I'm only faking it for attention (from who??). I know that if I did attempt, I'd hate myself for failing. Still can't help it but feel somewhat inferior to everyone who has already planned everything or attempted already

It's not a competeition. You not having acted on suicidal thoughts don't make you fake or your thoughts any less valid then those of others.

 

[metothemoon]

It's interesting, I feel less valid because I have attempted. If I was more serious about it then surely one of the two attempts would be successful? I'm so scared that attempt 3 won't work and I'll become one of those people who give talks on how they're an expert in suicide because they have ten attempts and were never serious enough about it to figure out why they were failing after the first one.

I can truly relate to this. Feel like my attempts weren't valid enough because they failed and I didn't and up in hospital. There is this fear of me being judged as a coward, because everyone always says: when you want to die, you'll do it anyway. Not so true for me, still afraid of the proces and aftermath