Feeling guilty when hangout with friends.

[LostLily]

Just got back from hanging out with a friend. Even though I had a good time and the restaurant food was delicious, I felt guilty throughout it. Because before she picked me up, I was doing research on how to CTB.She knows I just got out of the hospital for mental health reasons and that I tried to buy poison online, but the order got confiscated. She would freak out to find out that I'm still trying to CTB. I probably won't try again for a least another year because I want to wait till everyone's guard is down.

Does anyone feel guilty about hanging out with friends and family when you know you want to CTB?.