Discussion Fear of living

[restingplace]

Unlike most, I fear life more than death, I'm afraid of having to live and do all the things living people do. For my whole life I've always felt sick before going to school, a very strong sick feeling. I'm terrified of getting a job, i feel like I'll only make mistakes, living in general is just hard for me. I don't think it ever came naturally to me. I don't know if this is common in anyone else on here?

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

i fear that while i'm alive i can fall into a trap of unending constant unbearable pain or extreme suffering . but it's only because i'm alive that i can suffer so extremely. I can't suffer if i don't exist . only the living can be tortured to unimaginable extents . I fear living being alive , life. After Death is non-existence forever therefore i'll be safe from unbearable pain forever so i don't fear Death

 

[BoredomSeeker]

I've pretty much always experienced pretty bad anxiety, so it's definitely not just you. Doing the things other people do while maybe feeling a little nervous feels almost impossible for me

 

[Wolf Girl]

I am like this now as well. Always afraid. I have extreme difficulty even buying things at a store without self-check out. I over-apologize and keep my head down in public. I even get scared scrolling social media because I see triggering things. It's just not worth living this way.

 

[Haibane-renmei-reki]

Unlike most, I fear life more than death, I'm afraid of having to live and do all the things living people do. For my whole life I've always felt sick before going to school, a very strong sick feeling. I'm terrified of getting a job, i feel like I'll only make mistakes, living in general is just hard for me. I don't think it ever came naturally to me. I don't know if this is common in anyone else on here?

feeling life over feeling death is more rational I.M.O than the reverse

 

[Who_I_Am]

Yes, that's familiar to me.
I'm not that afraid to get a job, but I'm in desperate fear of getting some relationships and dating someone. I've been married once and that seems enough. Can't even tell someone he is important to me. Except for my friends.

 

[bl33ding_heart]

Unlike most, I fear life more than death, I'm afraid of having to live and do all the things living people do. For my whole life I've always felt sick before going to school, a very strong sick feeling. I'm terrified of getting a job, i feel like I'll only make mistakes, living in general is just hard for me. I don't think it ever came naturally to me. I don't know if this is common in anyone else on here?

I feel the same way, I'm terrified of actually living my life and not just rotting away like I currently am or dying. But at the same time I'm scared to die cus I'm scared to miss out on the great potential life I could live. :/

 

[brokeandbroken]

Unlike most, I fear life more than death, I'm afraid of having to live and do all the things living people do. For my whole life I've always felt sick before going to school, a very strong sick feeling. I'm terrified of getting a job, i feel like I'll only make mistakes, living in general is just hard for me. I don't think it ever came naturally to me. I don't know if this is common in anyone else on here?

For me the feeling may be similar but from different sides. I am terrified of living because seemingly all opportunities have been erased from my life. I have a college degree, went to medical school in Poland where I was the victim of crimes and forced out in good academic standing due to no fault of my own and therefore in my purview illegally. In addition it should be noted the university was committing a plethora of other crimes. With my life shattered I have continued to fight for justice but I have also simultaneously tried to rebuild my life. But everyone I had ever known family include decided to say fuck off to helping in any even token manner. I didn't do anything wrong just a victim of a predatory institution. I've applied to 1000s of jobs, met with employment counselors (plural), basically done everything possible to get a job. Even took an unpaid volunteer position to round out my resume further. It's been ~3 years. I can't get anything. I'm not sure how but it seems like getting justice or just getting a job are both somehow equally as impossible. So yeah I am terrified of the future. I understand today which is hellish for me is probably better than my tomorrow. My life will have no family, friends, care, love, passion, purpose, anything at all. That's a terrifying life. Unlike you there's a fundamental difference. You know there's a possibility if you wanted to you could change it. There's a very real possibility punching me in the face that no matter what I do, what moves I make, I may literally not be able to change anything about my life. What happens when your baseline is hell and you are fighting to just get back to it.

How badly would you want to live knowing you've already spent every good day you'll ever have. That every single day will be worse than today. So yeah maybe a similar feeling but from a different place.

 

[Don’tWakeMe]

Living is the hard part. It's terrifying. I feel like I'm climbing a vertical wall that goes on forever, or at least for as far as I can see. I keep trying to do what I can to make it better or easier, and it seems like everything I do and every choice I make just set me further and further back. Even on my best, most hopeful days, I still find comfort knowing I can just go.