Father's Day is coming, do you still have your dad?

[SadGirl]

My father passed away a year ago. He had Parkinson's disease for the last few years, and then he died of cardiac arrest. We were getting along well; we never had a very close father-daughter relationship, but that was his way. And he loved me just as I still do. I miss him terribly. I still don't know how to deal with the grief. I can't even go to his grave. I've been there about three times at most. I really don't know what to feel. Just thinking about it gives me a tightness in my chest, my eyes fill with tears, and a horrible pain and anguish in my chest.

 

[unluckysadness]

I'm sorry for your loss I still have my parents. Hugs to you

 

[Sweet Tart]

I'm so sorry for your loss. The first few years after I lost my dad were extremely hard, especially around the anniversary of his passing. He was also sick for a few years prior.

I just want to note that grief can be a long process & very different from person to person. The pain you're experiencing is a natural part of it, & will decrease with time, but you still deserve relief. Grieving Mindfully by Sameet M. Kumar was helpful for me. Also, I found comfort in watching movies that my dad & I loved, or cooking food that made me think of him. It was helpful to talk to my family about him. It'll probably be different things for you. His love and memories will always be with you.

 

[bankai]

It's nice that you have such fond memories of your father. Although I'm sure they're bittersweet. My father wasn't a good man. I still tried reaching out to him at the end, but he wouldn't reciprocate.

He passed away 2 1/2 years ago. I visited his grave twice, but not really with much emotion but just with a sense of duty or responsibility.

 

[CatLvr]

I'm sorry for your loss. Parkinson's runs in my family -- on my dad's side. His passing was brutal, in that respect. But I hadn't seen him in 30 years and the last time I did see him he was not kind. Which was typical. So, it was kinda just another day when I found out. Typed up a disclaimer stating I had no interest in, or claim to, his estate, filed it with the district court, and called it a day.

 

[SadGirl]

I'm so sorry for your loss. The first few years after I lost my dad were extremely hard, especially around the anniversary of his passing. He was also sick for a few years prior.

I just want to note that grief can be a long process & very different from person to person. The pain you're experiencing is a natural part of it, & will decrease with time, but you still deserve relief. Grieving Mindfully by Sameet M. Kumar was helpful for me. Also, I found comfort in watching movies that my dad & I loved, or cooking food that made me think of him. It was helpful to talk to my family about him. It'll probably be different things for you. His love and memories will always be with you.

I don't have much family support, only my mother sometimes, and I'm an only child. It's horrible to feel alone with all this pain.

It's nice that you have such fond memories of your father. Although I'm sure they're bittersweet. My father wasn't a good man. I still tried reaching out to him at the end, but he wouldn't reciprocate.

He passed away 2 1/2 years ago. I visited his grave twice, but not really with much emotion but just with a sense of duty or responsibility.

When I was 18 and in my early 20s, my father and I fought a lot, but as I said, he became ill and then I started to be more understanding with him, my father was my anchor.

 

[Alcoholic Teletubby]

No. Lost him to an overdose and I regret the last conversation we had together. I wasn't in the right place, nor was he. The only way we can have a steady connection now is if I ever get my hands on his ashes.

 

[SomewhereAlongThe]

My deepest condolences.

My father abandoned me when I was born, and was soon replaced by a negligent step-father when I was four years old.

 

[SadGirl]

My deepest condolences.

My father abandoned me when I was born, and was soon replaced by a negligent step-father when I was four years old.

I'm sorry about that too, friend. A big hug.

 

[Redacted24]

Mine died years ago, and my time is coming soon (I'm old!). He was an alcoholic and had dementia in his later years.

But I picture him somewhere with a beer on the rail, cigarette in his mouth, lining up a shot on the bar's pool table.

On the other hand, my teenage daughter and I had a great relationship... until we didn't.

Reading your post from a dad perspective, if after I'm gone my girl has the same feelings about me that you do about your dad, I'll be in the afterlife feeling contented and happy, and would want to tell you that it's okay. It's going to be okay. Remember me in better times, and don't grieve too much because I'm where I'm supposed to be.

And sometimes, don't be afraid or sad if something brings back a memory of our time together.

It's okay.

 

[SadGirl]

Mine died years ago, and my time is coming soon (I'm old!). He was an alcoholic and had dementia in his later years.

But I picture him somewhere with a beer on the rail, cigarette in his mouth, lining up a shot on the bar's pool table.

On the other hand, my teenage daughter and I had a great relationship... until we didn't.

Reading your post from a dad perspective, if after I'm gone my girl has the same feelings about me that you do about your dad, I'll be in the afterlife feeling contented and happy, and would want to tell you that it's okay. It's going to be okay. Remember me in better times, and don't grieve too much because I'm where I'm supposed to be.

And sometimes, don't be afraid or sad if something brings back a memory of our time together.

It's okay.

Are you sure you're going to CTB? I don't want this to happen, but there's a chance your daughter won't forgive you for committing suicide. But if it were me, I'd understand, and for me, there's nothing to forgive, you know? The choice is up to the person, but at the same time, I think there are people we can't leave here. Like me and my mother now. But I hope you get well too; I will remember you. Your daughter seems lucky to have a father like you.

 

[whywere]

Both my "parents" are long gone.

When they died it was in their wills that I was NOT welcomed and was NOT supposed to show up for either their wakes or funerals.

I got kicked out in 1974, my "dad" died in 2015, and my "mom" died in 2018, and both times I stayed away, as what was dictated in both of their wills. I honored their requests as it would have been ugly if I went and would have been told to get out.

Walter

 

[notthistime]

My dad passed in 2019, right before covid started. He had heart failure and had had heart issues (2 heart attacks/by-pass/stints/etc. etc.)…I'm sorry for your loss. It is tough to see them sick.