Okay so I literally don't care about anything anymore, I've accepted my certainly that the future is some really awful continuation of what is already awful and that I've given myself unmanageable brain damage (from failed ctb attempts...) that's already making my life a new level of difficult...
But all of a sudden, I've got this doomsday scenario in my head where I'm one of the only survivors. All kinds of fantastic impossibilities... Me and the other survivors now have access to more resources, no obligation to work (besides growing food, raising livestock and sourcing drinkable water), and somehow we get along just out of necessity...
And my noticable cognitive decline is just an unaddressed toxic mold issue hiding in my air vents...
And I'm fucking happy. I can actually believe in both of those fantasies being true at the same time.
Like, really believe it.
Does anyone else do this? Is this a new level of dissassociation?
I honestly don't want to dissect it too much, I freaking love feeling this way. God, my mind is gone...
I originally called this maladaptive daydreams. I'm not sure it's maladaptive. I assumed it was, because it was a fantasy about apocalypse. I don't think this is interfering with my life, just making it bearable.
If anyone else has these types of fantasies, please share. I would love to hear them!
But all of a sudden, I've got this doomsday scenario in my head where I'm one of the only survivors. All kinds of fantastic impossibilities... Me and the other survivors now have access to more resources, no obligation to work (besides growing food, raising livestock and sourcing drinkable water), and somehow we get along just out of necessity...
And my noticable cognitive decline is just an unaddressed toxic mold issue hiding in my air vents...
And I'm fucking happy. I can actually believe in both of those fantasies being true at the same time.
Like, really believe it.
Does anyone else do this? Is this a new level of dissassociation?
I honestly don't want to dissect it too much, I freaking love feeling this way. God, my mind is gone...
I originally called this maladaptive daydreams. I'm not sure it's maladaptive. I assumed it was, because it was a fantasy about apocalypse. I don't think this is interfering with my life, just making it bearable.
If anyone else has these types of fantasies, please share. I would love to hear them!
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