Venting Family.

[KattinKai!]

When you think about it, family doesn't mean anything when you feel out of place. Think about it. What defines a family, actually? Because if we're talking blood-related things, then the way I see it is that these people will control every aspect of your life, under the guise of love. They will treat you however they please, and toy with you whenever they want, and make you out to be the problem. When you stand up for that, it means nothing but you getting into more trouble. When you do nothing, you're being weak and you should do more. When you want nothing to do with them, you're a bad kid, a disgrace even. When you already feel useless, they will tell others your darkest insecurities without your permission. Even when you think you do something right, you're taking it slow, one at a time, you have a plan, it's crumpled by them. So I don't feel like I have a family, because of my autism. Because of the fact they ruined me already, and they tell me it's love, discipline, was needed, even though I remember crying and being confused, and ended up brushing it off. That stuff causes you to act out, and it chips away at you when you feel like this bad kid, especially when you're already going through a lot in school, but you're made out to be the bully for anger issues that they prod at. Just imagine what they would think of me if they discovered their daughter, their niece, or sister was instead their son, their nephew, or brother. How else would my family prod at me?

I just wish I actually felt like I had a family.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I've often weirdly felt that long-term family friends felt closer and more caring than my actual family. Blood relations aren't always what they're cracked up to be. I've also known people literally be conned by their own family members too! So yeah- they may not even always have our best interests at heart.