orpheus_
Member
- Apr 26, 2024
- 50
I had a complicated life situation during my final exams (in June) after the first year of university and I didn't pass 3 subjects. Went, well, there's also the second term in September, it will be fine. Well. For most of summer I was either extremely busy because my friend was going through some family shit and needed lots of my support, and when I got any free time I couldn't bring myself to do anything and was rotting in bed or just trying to function or a basic level somehow. I knew I will eventually have to either discuss new exam terms with my professors, or write essays for those subjects instead because that was also an option... Nope, didn't bother, I waited. (For context I most likely have adhd which makes complex tasks like studying nearly impossible unless I'm REALLY interested in them. Still it's my fault I didn't do ANY work).
And today I fucking found out that I got the terms mixed up. I thought I had time up to September 30th, but apparently it's until September 14th. I did NOTHING. I have 0 chance to do anything until then because my brain feels like it's rotting and I cannot even write an email to my year tutor to ask for any guidance. Even when I get that 1% of communication skills and try to do it, I get too anxious that he will call me stupid and say that he can do nothing about my careless mistakes. I've heard he's quite a cold kind of guy.
In theory I have the option to get an extension of the term until September 27th but that would require me to get a special permit from the university institution which takes care of students with health problems. Uh. Assuming they would consider my depression an actual "health problem" because everyone has it now. Also to go there I need documentation from my psychiatrist, who has the closest free term on Sept 24th so I'm fucked. Also I'm just too tired to do all of this, it feels exhausting even thinking about it. Especially knowing I may get ridiculed.
Also my parents have no idea that I didn't pass the year yet and I know I will get into a serious conflict with them when they find out that I lied that everything's going fine with my studies, and while I have bigger problems now I REALLY don't want another conflict on top of that.
Going to university has been the only thing giving me any hope, it's the only place where I can have normal social interactions, where I can distract myself from all of the misery. If I won't pass the year, I'm fucked, I will honestly have nothing left. Everything is bad already. I try to function somehow, aka eat food/maintain basic hygiene/not turn my flat into a dumpster, but it's incredibly hard and I don't feel like doing anything else. I thought that maybe the academic year starting will motivate me a bit, since it did last year... Not if everything goes shit though.
I really want things to be better. I'm just too tired and I see no point anymore.
And today I fucking found out that I got the terms mixed up. I thought I had time up to September 30th, but apparently it's until September 14th. I did NOTHING. I have 0 chance to do anything until then because my brain feels like it's rotting and I cannot even write an email to my year tutor to ask for any guidance. Even when I get that 1% of communication skills and try to do it, I get too anxious that he will call me stupid and say that he can do nothing about my careless mistakes. I've heard he's quite a cold kind of guy.
In theory I have the option to get an extension of the term until September 27th but that would require me to get a special permit from the university institution which takes care of students with health problems. Uh. Assuming they would consider my depression an actual "health problem" because everyone has it now. Also to go there I need documentation from my psychiatrist, who has the closest free term on Sept 24th so I'm fucked. Also I'm just too tired to do all of this, it feels exhausting even thinking about it. Especially knowing I may get ridiculed.
Also my parents have no idea that I didn't pass the year yet and I know I will get into a serious conflict with them when they find out that I lied that everything's going fine with my studies, and while I have bigger problems now I REALLY don't want another conflict on top of that.
Going to university has been the only thing giving me any hope, it's the only place where I can have normal social interactions, where I can distract myself from all of the misery. If I won't pass the year, I'm fucked, I will honestly have nothing left. Everything is bad already. I try to function somehow, aka eat food/maintain basic hygiene/not turn my flat into a dumpster, but it's incredibly hard and I don't feel like doing anything else. I thought that maybe the academic year starting will motivate me a bit, since it did last year... Not if everything goes shit though.
I really want things to be better. I'm just too tired and I see no point anymore.
