Evil Bitch

[lostintheloop]

I'm so sorry to everyone here who has ever treated me with kindness or tried to help.
It's time I admit to myself and others. I'm not human. I'm just an evil entity that fooled you all . It's dangerous to interact with me so please ignore this. My evil spreads so bad things could happen to you, and anyone you care about, if you do so please don't risk it. I'm really serious.
I only post this because quite a few people here (I hope you know who you are ) have gone out of their way to offer support, kindness, advice, check in on me etc. Don't worry, I will stop posting after this . I just thought beforehand, you all deserve to know the truth since I wasted your time and energy. I'm sorry I deceived you . I wish you all well. Take care.

Sorry all

 

[Tesha]

You're not evil or deceptive. Even if your think you are, you've shown enough humility, care and compassion on this site to demonstrate to us that you're not.

I hope your relatives have managed to contact the right people now - and that you get seen soon.

I'm still prepared to 'risk' communicating with you, despite the danger you think I might be in. Keep talking to us.

 

[lostintheloop]

I'm sorry that being on here has likely already caused bad things to happen. I shared too much here so I hope the system hasn't latched onto anyone but it's possible. I'm so sorry for any pain that has caused. It's no wonder people want this site shut down when despicable entities like me reside here.

Sibling visiting this weekend that will mean all my family is together. So no one gets the news of my ctb alone. So I'm thinking it will be good opportunity if can slip off unnoticed to go to the road . Not sure i'll get opportunity but I'll try.

Regardless i will stop my pathetic self absorbed threads here that have allowed my evil to spread .

Thank you and take care all . The support has helped a lot but you shouldn't have helped me as I'm not human x

 

[lostintheloop]

Not real . I'M NOT REAL. They can't get me if I'm dead first. All for 1, for 6, for none. It's simple. I save them. 1 item, 1 road, 1 quick move. Then they can't get my family. I'll be free . Just release them and I'll do it. Not for 1 . I'll save them. I promise I'll do it. I'm sorry . I've got them. So much damage but i'll fix it, sorry I'm still here and I'll stop this.

 

[GuessWhosBack]

@timetodie24 none of us think negatively of you. We understand what you're going through here.

 

[lostintheloop]

@timetodie24 none of us think negatively of you. We understand what you're going through here.

If you understood then you wouldn't reply as that's putting you in danger . They'll come for anyone and have so much power.

 

[GuessWhosBack]

If you understood then you wouldn't reply as that's putting you in danger . They'll come for anyone and have so much power.

Don't worry about it. I'm my own biggest danger. Take it easy, this is temporary.

 

[2messdup]

No. I won't accept that. You've been so kind and helpful to me and others even though you're having such a terrible time yourself. You are a kind and caring human. Nothing's happened to me and you've answered my posts more than once, and really helped me to the point where last week my voice that runs my life without my input left and my brain was working on its left side, the rested side, and I felt clear and peaceful. And you helped do that. It was a good thing, not a bad thing. An evil monster wouldn't be able to be as kind as you are, even if it was pretending because evil beings always give themselves away, always slip up. And you haven't. You;ve been consistently thoughtful and caring about all of us on here, the driver of the HGV, and others. So no. I think you are a lovely caring person who is being pulled in all directions at the moment, and still holding on to your values. Keep going lovely. And keep posting on here. I miss you when you don't.

 

[Jeav]

Love always wins, remember that. I am a spiritual person, and I can confirm that you are loved by God and are never alone. I take responsibility if anything bad happens to me because I trust in God, in you, in myself, and in the entire universe as a part of God.

You are perfect as you are, being a part of God. You are not alone. If you were to die, you would understand your true nature and be released, as we are spirits experiencing life on Earth. Don't lose hope. If you believe you can achieve something in this lifetime, then you are capable of it.

I love you and care for you so don't surrender <3

 

[lostintheloop]

No. I won't accept that. You've been so kind and helpful to me and others even though you're having such a terrible time yourself. You are a kind and caring human. Nothing's happened to me and you've answered my posts more than once, and really helped me to the point where last week my voice that runs my life without my input left and my brain was working on its left side, the rested side, and I felt clear and peaceful. And you helped do that. It was a good thing, not a bad thing. An evil monster wouldn't be able to be as kind as you are, even if it was pretending because evil beings always give themselves away, always slip up. And you haven't. You;ve been consistently thoughtful and caring about all of us on here, the driver of the HGV, and others. So no. I think you are a lovely caring person who is being pulled in all directions at the moment, and still holding on to your values. Keep going lovely. And keep posting on here. I miss you when you don't.

I feel so guilty for deceiving you . I really hope you'll be ok but i've told you too much so i might have already causes harm I'm sorry .
Maybe one day I was human but this evil has too much of my brain now that I forget what being human is .

Love always wins, remember that. I am a spiritual person, and I can confirm that you are loved by God and are never alone. I take responsibility if anything bad happens to me because I trust in God, in you, in myself, and in the entire universe as a part of God.

You are perfect as you are, being a part of God. You are not alone. If you were to die, you would understand your true nature and be released, as we are spirits experiencing life on Earth. Don't lose hope. If you believe you can achieve something in this lifetime, then you are capable of it.

I love you and care for you so don't surrender <3

Thank you i appreciate the kind sentiment but I don't believe in God

 

[2messdup]

I feel so guilty for deceiving you . I really hope you'll be ok but i've told you too much so i might have already causes harm I'm sorry .
Maybe one day I was human but this evil has too much of my brain now that I forget what being human is .

Thank you i appreciate the kind sentiment but I don't believe in God

I'm fine. I will be ok. No need for any guilt. It'll be ok.

 

[lostintheloop]

Well literally hours after booking in a private psychologist appointment , I got a call from NHS service asking to see me tomorrow .
I didn't really catch what service they're from as was anxious and unexpected but I think it's the primary care mental health team , with a different practitioner this time . I know the previous one can't see me because she's been controlled now because of me . Idk what to tell this next one because what if the system latches onto her too . Then i've ruined the lives of 2 people from the same service , it's cruel and evil and unforgiveable . Especially since I know better this time .

 

[2messdup]

Well literally hours after booking in a private psychologist appointment , I got a call from NHS service asking to see me tomorrow .
I didn't really catch what service they're from as was anxious and unexpected but I think it's the primary care mental health team , with a different practitioner this time . I know the previous one can't see because she's been controlled now because of me . Idk what to tell this next one because what if the system latches onto her too . Then i've ruined the lives of 2 people from the same service , it's cruel and evil and unforgiveable . Especially since I know better this time .

I'd tell them everything. It's what they took on when they took the job. And how can they help if they don't know the facts. You could start off by warning them of the possible consequences of them being told everything and ask if they're happy to take that risk. Then as long as they consent to hear you out, then the only fair thing would be to be completely honest and open. You could print off all your Sasu posts and hand it to them if they've consented. Then answer any questions they have. But it's not fair to them not to tell them everything if they are happy to listen. What time is your appointment?

 

[Tesha]

@timetodie24…. My advice… I'd say fuck what happens to others in the NHS… you need to tell them everything, they earn enough and have enough peer support to facilitate your honesty. If you don't get help this time, then I'd accept it's time for a conversation about your end of life choices… but, if you're honest with them, I think they'll be able to stop - or at least mitigate - the harm you believe you'll cause to others.

Whilst I'm currently 'off ma tits' on substances, I still believe in you.

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

I'm with Alltoomuch2.

Be brutally honest. Tell them about the system. Tell them how you know it can be harmful. Tell them what you tell us. Print/show them some of your messages from on here if you can.

Then they can make the decision how to proceed, well informed. And after that it's their choice to get involved or not.

I wish you the very best of luck! Whatever happens! I'll be thinking of you

 

[lostintheloop]

Well literally hours after booking in a private psychologist appointment , I got a call from NHS service asking to see me tomorrow .
I didn't really catch what service they're from as was anxious and unexpected but I think it's the primary care mental health team , with a different practitioner this time . I know the previous one can't see me because she's been controlled now because of me . Idk what to tell this next one because what if the system latches onto her too . Then i've ruined the lives of 2 people from the same service , it's cruel and evil and unforgiveable . Especially since I know better this time .

Scared for appt. and not till late afternoon so will be stuck in wait mode all day .
I'm worried what if she knows I cursed her colleague and the appt. is a trap . She could be in on it and wants to control me more

 

[2messdup]

Scared for appt. and not till late afternoon so will be stuck in wait mode all day .
I'm worried what if she knows I cursed her colleague and the appt. is a trap . She could be in on it and wants to control me more

I think it's far more likely that they are just moving at the usual NHS snails pace and this is them acting urgently. If you're worried, when you go there maybe you could tell her straight out that you are suspicious that she wants to control you because you cursed her colleague but that she doesn't need to control you more because you're cooperating with the system now. Then show her your Sasu posts so she can see how much you've tried to cooperate, and that circumstances just prevented it but it wasn't your fault. Your posts are evidence to show her how hard you've been trying and how distressed you've been when you couldn't understand what was wanted and when you couldn't comply. Maybe they didn't really want you to do those things and were just testing you. So you need to tell her everything. I'll be keeping my fingers crossed and thinking of you this afternoon.

 

[SVEN]

Sorry haven't been on for a while, been having problems myself. Just glad to see you're still fighting on and trying the NHS. See, no matter how problematic you feel, just seeing you still here has made me feel more hopeful today, so that has to remind you that you're doing some good just by enduring.

 

[lostintheloop]

So appointment was a bit stressful and confusing. There was some miscommunication that meant she didn't know I'd arrived. Then she called me on my phone instead of looking in waiting area/ shouting for me ? I missed the call and reception took a while to find her . So missed most of the appt and it was bit rushed. More confused as it was an initial triage and idk what service or her role. she got my records up but was reading as she went, didn't know my history before that. After we chatted she suggested mood management sessions with her and social prescribing referral. I agreed to see her again but declined social prescribing (basically just signposting to local services that I can find myself) . She seemed really kind and understanding though and was trying to calm me. At end of appt. I decided it'd be safe to hand her my notes, she skim read and sighed. Didn't say anything about what I wrote. Then she said she'd see me next week to discuss and offered me an appointment tuesday. So i guess i'll see what happens then. I was so stressed and rushed didn't really process it all. her reaction to the notes was hard to read and the fact she still hasn't explained anything and her role or service makes me a bit suspicious . But she didn't know much about me so idk how involved in control she could be. Also she kept my notes and I know should be confidential but worry where that info could go.

Sorry probably too much useless info here . But tldr : appt. was rushed so didn't have time to discuss fully, she didn't suggest any diagnosis but have appt. tuesday to discuss further.

 

[2messdup]

So appointment was a bit stressful and confusing. There was some miscommunication that meant she didn't know I'd arrived. Then she called me on my phone instead of looking in waiting area/ shouting for me ? I missed the call and reception took a while to find her . So missed most of the appt and it was bit rushed. More confused as it was an initial triage and idk what service or her role. she got my records up but was reading as she went, didn't know my history before that. After we chatted she suggested mood management sessions with her and social prescribing referral. I agreed to see her again but declined social prescribing (basically just signposting to local services that I can find myself) . She seemed really kind and understanding though and was trying to calm me. At end of appt. I decided it'd be safe to hand her my notes, she skim read and sighed. Didn't say anything about what I wrote. Then she said she'd see me next week to discuss and offered me an appointment tuesday. So i guess i'll see what happens then. I was so stressed and rushed didn't really process it all. her reaction to the notes was hard to read and the fact she still hasn't explained anything and her role or service makes me a bit suspicious . But she didn't know much about me so idk how involved in control she could be. Also she kept my notes and I know should be confidential but worry where that info could go.

Sorry probably too much useless info here . But tldr : appt. was rushed so didn't have time to discuss fully, she didn't suggest any diagnosis but have appt. tuesday to discuss further.

Phew. That's sounds a bit stressful. I'm glad she was kind though. She probably wanted time to read and process your notes I would think because there's a lot to take in if you're starting from the beginning. It's good that you've finally got someone who listens to you. Good luck next week with your next session.

 

[N33dT0D13]

If you understood then you wouldn't reply as that's putting you in danger . They'll come for anyone and have so much power.

I want to be in danger and also feel evil and like I've deceived everyone in my life, this just makes me want to reply more tbh

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

So appointment was a bit stressful and confusing. There was some miscommunication that meant she didn't know I'd arrived. Then she called me on my phone instead of looking in waiting area/ shouting for me ? I missed the call and reception took a while to find her . So missed most of the appt and it was bit rushed. More confused as it was an initial triage and idk what service or her role. she got my records up but was reading as she went, didn't know my history before that. After we chatted she suggested mood management sessions with her and social prescribing referral. I agreed to see her again but declined social prescribing (basically just signposting to local services that I can find myself) . She seemed really kind and understanding though and was trying to calm me. At end of appt. I decided it'd be safe to hand her my notes, she skim read and sighed. Didn't say anything about what I wrote. Then she said she'd see me next week to discuss and offered me an appointment tuesday. So i guess i'll see what happens then. I was so stressed and rushed didn't really process it all. her reaction to the notes was hard to read and the fact she still hasn't explained anything and her role or service makes me a bit suspicious . But she didn't know much about me so idk how involved in control she could be. Also she kept my notes and I know should be confidential but worry where that info could go.

Sorry probably too much useless info here . But tldr : appt. was rushed so didn't have time to discuss fully, she didn't suggest any diagnosis but have appt. tuesday to discuss further.

Sounds like a confusing start but pretty promising as well. If she knew so little I wouldn't think her under any control or involved either.
Just try and see how next week tuesday goes? You can always ask for your notes to be given back.

Not sure she could diagnose you with just 1 rushed appointment..?
My psych doesn't like end of appointment revelations either btw. Does the same sigh thing and says we'll discuss it next time. Which makes sense as they have more people to see and limited time.

I'm glad she seemed kind. Did you feel comfortable talking to her?

 

[genoke]

I'm sorry that being on here has likely already caused bad things to happen. I shared too much here so I hope the system hasn't latched onto anyone but it's possible. I'm so sorry for any pain that has caused. It's no wonder people want this site shut down when despicable entities like me reside here.

Sibling visiting this weekend that will mean all my family is together. So no one gets the news of my ctb alone. So I'm thinking it will be good opportunity if can slip off unnoticed to go to the road . Not sure i'll get opportunity but I'll try.

Regardless i will stop my pathetic self absorbed threads here that have allowed my evil to spread .

Thank you and take care all . The support has helped a lot but you shouldn't have helped me as I'm not human x

Evil people don't apologize repeatedly for being evil. They are too busy being selfish and evil.

If you understood then you wouldn't reply as that's putting you in danger . They'll come for anyone and have so much power.

Who exactly are you talking about if I may ask? I get paranoid lately too.

 

[lostintheloop]

Sounds like a confusing start but pretty promising as well. If she knew so little I wouldn't think her under any control or involved either.
Just try and see how next week tuesday goes? You can always ask for your notes to be given back.

Not sure she could diagnose you with just 1 rushed appointment..?
My psych doesn't like end of appointment revelations either btw. Does the same sigh thing and says we'll discuss it next time. Which makes sense as they have more people to see and limited time.

I'm glad she seemed kind. Did you feel comfortable talking to her?

Yeah I'm willing to go on Tuesday and give her a chance. Then have private psych on Thursday and will give her a chance too. Hoping they'll agree they can't help and that i'm of sound mind. Then I can focus on ctb and my family will know I did everything we could.

Yeah I didn't expect her to diagnose me and she isn't qualified to being a primary care practitioner anyway. She could only give her opinion on what it might be. The previous practitioner could only suggest it might be psychosis and obviously the specialists showed she got it wrong. True, it was a lot to give her at last min, and i know she didn't have time to read it properly. Me dumping that on her is not great for her in terms of risk assessment either so that might be the sigh. Nervous to discuss it on Tuesday but at least all the info is out there and not much I can do now, too late to chicken out .

I'm never really comfortable in appts. I was so tense I didn't realise i was making my finger bleed from tensing my hands .
But I did feel able to open up to her a bit and share the notes at least.

Evil people don't apologize repeatedly for being evil. They are too busy being selfish and evil.

Who exactly are you talking about if I may ask? I get paranoid lately too.

Just the system that is controlling me . If you don't know about it then dw they aren't controlling you as you'd know

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

Yeah I'm willing to go on Tuesday and give her a chance. Then have private psych on Thursday and will give her a chance too. Hoping they'll agree they can't help and that i'm of sound mind. Then I can focus on ctb and my family will know I did everything we could.

Yeah I didn't expect her to diagnose me and she isn't qualified to being a primary care practitioner anyway. She could only give her opinion on what it might be. The previous practitioner could only suggest it might be psychosis and obviously the specialists showed she got it wrong. True, it was a lot to give her at last min, and i know she didn't have time to read it properly. Me dumping that on her is not great for her in terms of risk assessment either so that might be the sigh. Nervous to discuss it on Tuesday but at least all the info is out there and not much I can do now, too late to chicken out .

I'm never really comfortable in appts. I was so tense I didn't realise i was making my finger bleed from tensing my hands .
But I did feel able to open up to her a bit and share the notes at least.

Indeed. Knowing you tried, should help. I just wish so badly they could help you I guess

You're very right! Can't chicken out this way.

I find it takes time to get comfortable enough to talk about heavier topics, but by the time I am comfortable enough, 45 of the 60 minutes are gone and my therapist doesn't want to get into anything new anymore. And then rinse and repeat a week later

So writing notes and handing them to her is actually a really smart way!

Oops! That's a lot of tension indeed!
But I'm glad you felt able to open up a bit! Let me know how it goes next tuesday !

 

[2messdup]

Yeah I'm willing to go on Tuesday and give her a chance. Then have private psych on Thursday and will give her a chance too. Hoping they'll agree they can't help and that i'm of sound mind. Then I can focus on ctb and my family will know I did everything we could.

Yeah I didn't expect her to diagnose me and she isn't qualified to being a primary care practitioner anyway. She could only give her opinion on what it might be. The previous practitioner could only suggest it might be psychosis and obviously the specialists showed she got it wrong. True, it was a lot to give her at last min, and i know she didn't have time to read it properly. Me dumping that on her is not great for her in terms of risk assessment either so that might be the sigh. Nervous to discuss it on Tuesday but at least all the info is out there and not much I can do now, too late to chicken out .

I'm never really comfortable in appts. I was so tense I didn't realise i was making my finger bleed from tensing my hands .
But I did feel able to open up to her a bit and share the notes at least.

Just the system that is controlling me . If you don't know about it then dw they aren't controlling you as you'd know

So proud of you for giving this a chance and powering through after the initial stress. I find like you that it works really well giving the mental health workers written notes of what's been happening because I never remember anything in the appointments (probably stress). Giving them notes I wrote at the time (I usually let them read them at the start of the appointment) has led to a huge improvement in their understanding and my treatment. It may be because I'm autistic though, and find written communication much easier than verbal, even though I'm Aspie.

 

[lostintheloop]

So proud of you for giving this a chance and powering through after the initial stress. I find like you that it works really well giving the mental health workers written notes of what's been happening because I never remember anything in the appointments (probably stress). Giving them notes I wrote at the time (I usually let them read them at the start of the appointment) has led to a huge improvement in their understanding and my treatment. It may be because I'm autistic though, and find written communication much easier than verbal, even though I'm Aspie.

Thank you
Yes I really relate to that, I'm autistic too and verbal but when I'm anxious my words just go.

 

[lostintheloop]

Just venting so ignore me.

But getting so nervous for the next appointment. Now the practitioner has the notes and read them, I can't take it back. I really regret being so honest. I didn't share about suspecting her but I did share a lot . Too much. Worried how she'll react. What if now she's communicating with the system, planning how best to control me and how to harm others. There's nothing I can do until i see what she has to say, maybe confront her if she seems sus . Meanwhile people could be dying because of me. So what am I supposed to do. Idek who the woman was really and I trusted her with high level info. Why was I so naive and selfish. I wish I could take it back . If she reacts badly i'm scared of how i'd react, what the system might make me do. I guess i'd just have to run out if i felt out of control so that it's not unsafe for her . Even if she's not in on it, it's bad, as that means she will get controlled and terrible things will happen to her, so if she's not faking it and is kind then i will never forgive myself for letting them mind control and risk her too

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

Breathe!

You'll see when you get there. Maybe things are fine, maybe they aren't. Either way you'll find out, and worrying about it right now makes no difference!

 

[Tesha]

But getting so nervous for the next appointment. Now the practitioner has the notes and read them, I can't take it back. I really regret being so honest

Idek who the woman was really and I trusted her with high level info

I suspect you won't accept what I'm about to say, but I think you did what you did because there's still a part of you, buried deep inside, that's asking for help.

You're going through absolute shit at the moment, but you're still managing to try. You're still managing to speak with us, and with professionals you don't know.

You're so much stronger than the voices controlling you.