Everything around me is just a constant reminder of everything I couldn’t have

[Siamese Believe]

Love, money, cozy living, an attractive body, a deep sense of inner peace and joy, healthy social life, etc. It doesn't matter where I go, both irl and online, there's always gonna be one of these things that other people have that I desperately wish I had. There's no escaping it.

Sometimes I'm filled with a sense of nostalgia, thinking about the life I could've had if I had only been born into the right family with the right genetics. Nostalgia for memories I've never forged, I think about what it would've been like to hold hands with my girlfriend walking down a cozy, peaceful park trail on a cool evening while the street lamps light up the path.

I think about getting on my knees to grab her hand, giving her a gentle smooch, I tell her she's the most beautiful girl in the whole wide world. I think about what it would've been like to travel abroad with a group of friends, exploring the world together, trying and seeing new things we could've be never imagined.

I can feel the void calling my name, it offers me eternal peace for the price of my temporary physical pain. It's only a matter of time. Two options, once choice to make.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

After a certain age the stakes become clear. When you're young it's just friends and parties vs. introversion and staying home to read a book can be nice. In your 30s you see marriage and family and realize you really missed out on your whole life.

Crazy thing is I had the family and the genetics (unless they're responsible for my mental problems) and the opportunities. I went to a great high school. I had intelligence, looks, athleticism, everything. I just turned weird and bitter in my head. Was it all getting bullied by 8th graders when I was in 7th? Is that what ruined my psyche? No changing it now.

 

[cakedog]

I feel the same and it really hurts when it spreads to your hobbies/niches or something that plays a huge role in your personality
i always see these people online with better things, learning something or just simply discussing something that i know i also played a starter role in and i would probably be with them discussing, learning or talking about if it weren't for my terrible starting conditions
i feel like a prototype or an early adopter that just has to watch how everyone is getting better at it than him despite having started earlier
i mean i'm glad because i really love some stuff and the more people know it the better but it also hurts knowing how you can't play or participate in it anymore

 

[fkyou]

I just turned weird and bitter in my head

This.. happened to me..I'm a weirdo.. nothing seems to make me content..and stable in health like the rest of my peers they all fine and content so why I'm bitter and weird like this.. I couldve been in a happy relationship with that guy who approached me but I'm an insecure weirdo who pushes people away..it's a constant agony I can't live with myself I hate myself for what iam wish I was somebody else

 

[iveseenfootage]

After a certain age the stakes become clear. When you're young it's just friends and parties vs. introversion and staying home to read a book can be nice. In your 30s you see marriage and family and realize you really missed out on your whole life.

Crazy thing is I had the family and the genetics (unless they're responsible for my mental problems) and the opportunities. I went to a great high school. I had intelligence, looks, athleticism, everything. I just turned weird and bitter in my head. Was it all getting bullied by 8th graders when I was in 7th? Is that what ruined my psyche? No changing it now.

I especially relate to this. I had a fairly normal and decent childhood. Could my parents have been better? Sure I guess. Could I be better looking or more talented or smart? I guess. But all in all I lived a perfectly normal life and never really wanted for much. I'm not sure where it went wrong with me. Sad to think about.