Venting Every day i have to wake up and be reminded of them

[SenelXamano]

I'm genuinely living in a fucking nightmare. I can't stand seeing them. I can't stand her. I feel so upset whenever she's hanging out with us or even just joins us in a game. And she's pretending she doesn't hate me even though she knows I like him but i know she does her fucking reposts on my fyp tell me that "he's my bf not your crush" real subtle there. Every day I have to wake up and see their matching profile pics their matching statuses and be reminded they they are together. I fucking hate being here. I fucking hate her. My best friend fucking hurting me every day for the past almost 2 months. I can't be around her I honestly wish I could cut them all off and dissappear. I genuinely can't see myself ever getting over this. I honestly wish I never introduced them. I'm being fucking tortured every day. I hate her I hate her I hate her. She fucking ruined any progress I made in getting better. I'm in pain every single day because of her fuck her I fucking hate her "would you even feel better if they split" I said no but at this point yeah I'd feel a lot better. Not like that'll happen soon. I thought of dying on her birthday just to show her how much she fucking hurt me. I don't know if I'll make it to next year but I'm for sure going to do it on their anniversary if i do. Fuck her honestly. I don't care how "bad" she feels for me at this point. I honestly don't think I can care at all. Ever day for over a month has been fucking torture and it's because of her. I hope she fucking feels bad after I die because even then she wouldn't feel even half as bad as I have since the 21st of august. I want this pain gone already. I hate this. I just want to fucking enjoy things again. I can't fuckign enjoy my games I can't enjoy talking to anyone but him I can't enjoy drawing I can't enjoy anything. I just want to finally be okay again. She ruined me and everything I was. I find myself just looking at his profiles. He's perfect. He's everything I could've ever wanted. I hope she's fucking happy and I hope it was worth it. I hope one day once im gone she'll see these posts and know she's the fucking reason. I don't care if this is "bad" of me to think. She's the reason I've relapsed. The reason I'm dependent on him again to feel happy. The reason I've stopped eating. She's reminded me of how ill never be loved how ill never find. Parter I like ill just accept anyone who gives me the slightest attention because fuck who could fuck8ng love me. But part of me hoped that he could. I've never felt this strong about a person before and she's fucking tearing him away from me. She's trying to replace me. "Im learning bass guitar" yet I told her I wanted to learn that because he asked me to. I can't even listen to ptv anymore after seeing it on their Playlist. I hate this I fucking hate her she fucking did this to me. It's not even my fucking fault I've relapsed this time. It's not my fault I've done this again this time. And even after she knows what's upsetting me she just fucking makes it worse she's doing this on purpose. She knows she's shoving it in my face she's doing it on purpose to fucking torture me. Stop acting nice to me. I onow she fu ming hates me I fucking know she does. And yet she's acting all sympathetic and saying she feels bad for me. Fuck off. My life was good before this. I was genuinely going to get better. I don't think I will anymore. I fucking hope I get worse and actually try this time. Why did it have to be my best friend hurting me like this.

 

[Moroze]

I've been replaced and tossed away all my life. The fact that I am so replaceable is probably the most painful realisations of my life. To be so loved, and cared for, for ages, and then tossed away like an old, dirty, disgusting toy, it's extremely hurtful. I came to the understanding that whoever is in your life, always expect disappointment. As the quote goes: "Hope for the best, expect the worst". It seems like you overthink a lot, I'm the same :( I get attached really fast because of BDP tendencies, then I end up ruining all my friendships. I've tried to apologising to people. but I am deemed as too mentally unstable and overly emotional, and from my experience, people don't want to be friends with someone as volatile as me. I really just need some love, that's all. For people to say: "Hey, I'm really happy we are friends, I'm happy you're in my life". I don't get that from most people, the moment I have a tantrum is the moment I realise that people don't want this kind of volatility in their life. You seem to base your happiness off others, I'm the same, I do that too, and for many people, it's seen as a red flag. I just always wanted to make my friends, the people I care about the most, I wanted to make them my family, but I think I am delusional. Had maladaptive daydreaming ever since I was a kid, I'm always in some delusion, my happy delusion. I really just wish people in my life would show me some love. I am a human after all.

 

[sanrioslayer]

Im so so sorry you have to go through this ive been through similar things. Its not okay for her to shove it in your face. But i feel like if u and him were really meant to be it wouldve actually been. It hurts and ive had to realize the same thing multiple times, but your soulmate would actually want u backits fucking soulcrushing to see someone u like with another person, but then u know that person wasnt meant for you. Theres 8 billion people on earth, there isnt just ONE person we have a chance to have a great relationship with. Theres PLENTY of fish in the sea who would actually like u for you and want you for you. And only want you. I hope you can see it that wayall hope isnt lost because one person didnt like us back