Venting Even though I know I’m probably being used for my body I still give in and give men what they want

[wontachievehappines]

Like the 'title' says because I know my sins and transgressions have manifested in a goblin-man like creature. I want to feel beautiful but I know I'm not and I don't deserve to feel happy. I know I'll never experience being loved romantically, sought after, or yearned for. I know I'm just being used for my body, although that's not too appealing either. It's the closest thing that I'll ever get to being loved, or 'sought after'. It makes me feel beautiful, even though it's temporary and I know it's not real.

 

[NormallyNeurotic]

As someone who grew up with this mindset, I promise that being used for emotionless sex is actually the farthest thing from love that there is.

There is nothing wrong with you. This isn't the way to fix your pain.

 

[trying ungracefully]

I did that type of stuff as a teen. It honestly haunts me. I hate remembering how I was during that period of my life, I just wanted love too.

I hope you can start loving yourself and I don't mean that in a mean way it is just the thing that will help you. You are a person deserving of loving, quality relationships. My therapist is having me read this book called how to be the love you seek by dr. Nicole LaPera. I don't know if it is worth it completely yet because I am not done reading it but it does have me thinking deeply about things. If you don't want to buy it there was the website that I pirated it for free, it is called Anna's archive, it is down because the server got suspended but if you make a disposable email I can send it to you. I think 10 minute mail is good.