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lavenderlilylies

lavenderlilylies

Student
Sep 24, 2024
126
I usually stop the thoughts from flooding my head before they get real. If i slow down for a second to let them in, I'm done for. Last night when i finally got to lay down, i was immediately confronted with my own mortality. I'm going to die sooner or later, it was sinking in, i doom scrolled it away.

I don't want to be here anymore. The more i come to terms with the certainty of death, the less meaningful living becomes. Nothing means anything. We're all going to die. It's a basic thought, but I'm fine as long as I'm distracted from it. I keep pushing it back because I know when I invite it in, I'll be ready to go. I tell myself I'll allow it when I graduate in a few months, isn't that silly.
 
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Pale_Rider

Pale_Rider

Wizard
Apr 21, 2025
677
No its not silly. I can relate. Im not that close now, but I can remember doing things knowing they didnt matter. You really do wind up with a truly fatal mindset.
 
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LittleMagician

LittleMagician

Experienced
Apr 17, 2025
217
I usually stop the thoughts from flooding my head before they get real. If i slow down for a second to let them in, I'm done for. Last night when i finally got to lay down, i was immediately confronted with my own mortality. I'm going to die sooner or later, it was sinking in, i doom scrolled it away.

I don't want to be here anymore. The more i come to terms with the certainty of death, the less meaningful living becomes. Nothing means anything. We're all going to die. It's a basic thought, but I'm fine as long as I'm distracted from it. I keep pushing it back because I know when I invite it in, I'll be ready to go. I tell myself I'll allow it when I graduate in a few months, isn't that silly.
Not silly. In fact it's very real.
 
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