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H

heavysoul

don’t want to die, don’t want to live
Feb 5, 2025
50
TW for emetophobia*

I had a really visceral dream last night about drinking a SN solution and then laying down, ready to die, but my grandma caught me. I confessed that I made a suicide attempt and then my grandpa had me take some pills to get me to vomit. I only threw up a little bit but the solution was so salty coming out, it felt so real. When I first drank it too, it was so salty but I stomached it. I felt slightly nauseous and was ready to pass out at any moment and to start feeling short of breath, but those symptoms never came.

It was an eery dream for sure and made me confront death a little closer. I'll probably be thinking about it all day. I think it spooked me enough to realize that I don't want to die unless I'm super determined to, and that I can wait things out a bit longer. I'm ready to order the SN whenever I need it, but I don't think now is the time.
 
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