Venting Dont rely on other people for happiness

[TheWorstLife]

it just doesnt work, you need happiness on your own first. so idk i guess i will not be able to find that because i genuinely dont know where to find happiness. its not in other people

 

[Defatigatis]

Discovered this not long ago, shortly before ending a relationship — thought love could save me, make me want to live, but indeed i was wrongly mistaken...

 

[littlecutecorpse]

if it's not in any other person, not even in those i trust, then i'm afraid i'm not sure where i'll ever be able to find happiness either

hell, it feels like all happiness is only fleeting, like there isn't any true joy that will permanently fill the void inside me. i know it's because i haven't found it yet, but again, i don't think i ever will...

 

[Dejected 55]

This statement is a fallacy, though. The way the world is structured, modern society, it isn't possible for most people to be happy without other people. You need money, which requires a job... that means interaction with other people and they must like you to some degree. While you might be able to be "happy" without a friend or a romantic relationship, though we are hardwired to seek those things... it just isn't possible for most people, unless you are independently wealthy, to be happy without the assistance of others... and even if you have the wealth, you still need to purchase things and pay bills... you're dependent on others to provide services and goods you need.

It's just not possible to own a plot of land and pay no further taxes on it and own your home and pay no taxes on it and have water and food that you sustain completely on your own... not for most people... so the "be happy on your own" mantra really doesn't hold up to close inspection.

Then there's that pesky need to love and be loved by someone... and that blows up almost everything when you don't have that in your life.

 

[F@#$]

Don't rely on other people for anything.

 

[MrsT-800]

I am actually relatively happy with myself, I like who I am and how I dress, speak, behave, etc. – I'd change some things, but who wouldn't – but even then, when my husband says, I make him annoyed and angry, among other things, and some call me weird or awkward, and my father says, I am a bitch, ungrateful, childish, the worst daughter one can have, an asshole... no matter how comfortable am I with my sense of self, what can I do? I am beaten into an emotional turmoil that not even my happiness with myself can overcome.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

i don't need another human for anything other than assisting me with my suicide but they made that a crime. for example yeah someone could do me a favor or if i pay them to shoot me 4 times in the head . but no one is going to do that partly because they made assisting suicide a crime.

the only thing that can make me happy is escaping this hell to the safety of my Death which equals Eternal Non-Existence

 

[schatzbunny]

other people will only take away your happiness instead of giving it

 

[Still here]

True...

 

[Macedonian1987]

Sadly I discovered this too late in my life. I wish I realized this much sooner.

 

[Oreki]

Real

 

[MiaSanMia]

Only problem is that I hate myself so....

 

[vitbar]

It's good advice, but not entirely true. It speaks against a kind of dependance. At the same time a lack of meaningful relationships often leads to unhappiness.

 

[TwistedNightmares]

I have never relied on anyone for happiness. I don't even rely on myself.

 

[jsker]

they must like you to some degree

Oh I have absolutely hated some coworkers. Granted they didn't last long at the job, but you can make it as a temp being a weirdo.

 

[tellingthetruth]

Sadly I discovered this too late in my life. I wish I realized this much sooner.

Sorry to be that guy but...

The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now.

 

[Grog]

it just doesnt work, you need happiness on your own first. so idk i guess i will not be able to find that because i genuinely dont know where to find happiness. its not in other people

I wish you were wrong... but you're probably right...

 

[Oreki]

Sorry to be that guy but...

The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now.

Unfortunately, sometimes it's now or never

 

[Weird username]

it just doesnt work, you need happiness on your own first. so idk i guess i will not be able to find that because i genuinely dont know where to find happiness. its not in other people

Nature?

 

[starboy2k]

This statement is a fallacy, though. The way the world is structured, modern society, it isn't possible for most people to be happy without other people. You need money, which requires a job... that means interaction with other people and they must like you to some degree. While you might be able to be "happy" without a friend or a romantic relationship, though we are hardwired to seek those things... it just isn't possible for most people, unless you are independently wealthy, to be happy without the assistance of others... and even if you have the wealth, you still need to purchase things and pay bills... you're dependent on others to provide services and goods you need.

It's just not possible to own a plot of land and pay no further taxes on it and own your home and pay no taxes on it and have water and food that you sustain completely on your own... not for most people... so the "be happy on your own" mantra really doesn't hold up to close inspection.

Then there's that pesky need to love and be loved by someone... and that blows up almost everything when you don't have that in your life.

and with this being said, thats why I find beauty in killing myself….I won't need anything or anyone if Im dead.

 

[outrider567]

Too late

 

[NormallyNeurotic]

Unfortunately that's sort of all I can do currently. My therapist literally agreed that I have to rely on it at a bare minimum until I'm stable, and that could take years. I'm literally an emotional vampire, but without stealing the emotions from others, just relying on them to provide it.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think the frightening thing is- it can be found in other people. But, the pain of then losing them can be horrendous. So personally- I don't think it's worth the risk.

Having close friendships probably gave me my happiest but also, saddest moments. I definitely got to a stage though where I realised it was risky to pin hopes on other people. I think you've got to be pretty lucky to find someone who will always stand by you. And, even if they are willing, death can take them away.

I suppose, the ideal is to appreciate people but not become too dependent on them. Not to assume they will be there for you. But then, I'm not sure whether we can form friendships/ relationships without some level of trust. I do try now to be grateful in the moment for a nice interaction- without assuming it means anything more or, will lead to anything more.

I'm lucky though I suppose and, slightly strange I imagine in that- I am largely ok on my own. I'm not an island but I can get by on very minimal social interaction in real life. If anything, I try to avoid it now!

 

[Dejected 55]

In every therapy group I have ever participated... they tell you to love yourself and find happiness within yourself... right after they ask you about your support structure and who you have to go to for help... and I asked them, how those two things make sense to hold in their brains at the same time... that you are supposed to be completely independent and interaction with other people is a "bonus" AND that you can't do it alone and you need help.

Make it make sense.

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

Correct. Other people can't you happy and it's not fair to expect them to. Zoom out just a bit, and, see that it's not possible to be happy. Much easier to accept it than to fight against what can't be changed.

 

[heroin300]

i agree that you shouldn't rely on other people for happiness, but humans are social animals and how other people treat and perceive you is a pretty important factor (if not the most important) in being happy and content with being alive. unless you have some disorder like schizoid you need people to be happy.

 

[Alpacachino]

Yeah, I've always said that. If you're a normal person and you aren't depressed, you can expect happiness from someone else. But even in that case, if that person leaves, you will be devastated. But that's OK, you'll recover eventually.

But if you're already depressed, another person can't make you happy. It's not possible.There's even a saying, right? Happiness comes from within.

 

[Hotsackage]

sing it sister

 

[dearlydeparted44]

it just doesnt work, you need happiness on your own first. so idk i guess i will not be able to find that because i genuinely dont know where to find happiness. its not in other people

You've figured out what almost 80% of people haven't. Happiness and love start with the self. If you can't be happy alone, you will never be happy with someone else. And that's unfair to hang one's own happiness on another person. You'll always end up miserable and upset when you try to mine happiness from another person.

 

[TheWorstLife]

You've figured out what almost 80% of people haven't. Happiness and love start with the self. If you can't be happy alone, you will never be happy with someone else. And that's unfair to hang one's own happiness on another person. You'll always end up miserable and upset when you try to mine happiness from another person.

exactly, and personally i dont have my own source rn