yes. it feels narcissistic and indicative of main character syndrome to say this, but my whole life it's really felt like the moment i start wanting, i get thrown backwards. by wanting, i mean that very broadly; i just feel like any little glimmer that could be confused for lust for life gets snuffed out with quickness.
new job i was excited for after multiple years of on and off squatting and continuous unemployment? sorry, your workplace is physically unsafe and your boss is abusive! small concert/etc you wanted to go to and could afford? it's cancelled and we're gonna go ahead and kill your cat too, also here's a new mental illness you didn't know you had.
i mean, I guess probably over half the population has extremely rotten luck, the phrase 'one thing after the other' doesn't exist for no reason, i just don't feel like i was ever emotionally or socially equipped for it.