Discussion Does ctb thoughts make you have reckless moments randomly?

[HumongousTheGod]

i like to self-harm and push those who are close to me away. i WANT to be hated and i honestly couldn't tell you why at the end. i think it's me isolating myself for the same reason we're all here...

 

[muretax]

Omg yes. The one thing that I have noticed and have been trying to keep under control. The feeling of wanting to be impulsive and reckless is such a high for me and gets way more intense if I have a plan to ctb or i just stop caring about the consequences. For me, it's like being a little kid in a candy store. Feeling suicidal and feeling relief from that usually causes me to induce myself into a manic episode that's caused from my bipolar. It's actually a terrible combination but it's hard to get myself out of it.

 

[HumongousTheGod]

Omg yes. The one thing that I have noticed and have been trying to keep under control. The feeling of wanting to be impulsive and reckless is such a high for me and gets way more intense if I have a plan to ctb or i just stop caring about the consequences. For me, it's like being a little kid in a candy store. Feeling suicidal and feeling relief from that usually causes me to induce myself into a manic episode that's caused from my bipolar. It's actually a terrible combination but it's hard to get myself out of it.

that's literally me and what i'm going though rn /: i tried medicine but it only made things worse for me personally

 

[Amira]

Yes I dont get afraid of anything anymore. I used to be afraid of heights or getting hit by vehicle when crossing the road.I would also get scared of coming home super late becaise my neighboorhood is dangerous. In fact now I come super home late on purpose. Hoping something would happen to me. Now I dont care. I imagine the vehicles hitting me when I cross the road. Once I almost intentionally tried to get run over and yeah everyone looked at me weird. I used to be afraid of heights and could never look down the balcony or look down from a tall building. Now I love it. As for acting on impulse. Yes. I would cancel my appointments , come late to work , forget to eat or even shower. But , concequences come with it.Now I making false promises and telling lies because at this moment I am very sure I will ctb so It wouldnt matter anymore.

 

[HumongousTheGod]

Yes I dont get afraid of anything anymore. I used to be afraid of heights or getting hit by vehicle when crossing the road.I would also get scared of coming home super late becaise my neighboorhood is dangerous. In fact now I come super home late on purpose. Hoping something would happen to me. Now I dont care. I imagine the vehicles hitting me when I cross the road. Once I almost intentionally tried to get run over and yeah everyone looked at me weird. I used to be afraid of heights and could never look down the balcony or look down from a tall building. Now I love it. As for acting on impulse. Yes. I would cancel my appointments , come late to work , forget to eat or even shower. But , concequences come with it.Now I making false promises and telling lies because at this moment I am very sure I will ctb so It wouldnt matter anymore.

that sounds like me too. i smoke when i drive and don't care if i get caught. idk if i should ctb before or after Christmas

 

[Empty Smile]

I drive tractor trailer and when going down a steep hill, I just let the truck go as fast as it wants. Sad thing is I have to slow down when coming up behind other vehicles since I don't want to take innocent people out with me.